


elin nín

by q_is



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alien Cultural Differences, Alternate Universe - Aliens, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Loneliness, M/M, Minor Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin, Minor Mark Lee/Lee Taeyong, Minor Zhong Chen Le/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Mutual Pining, Nonbinary Character, Other, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28494549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/q_is/pseuds/q_is
Summary: The galaxy was vast and Jisung had so many places to see. Why would they want to stay here with him?-Renjun was just a normal dude, he didn’t have an interesting life. He went to college, he painted, he lived on his own and had one, maybe two good friends. He didn’t have any family, just two guinea pigs that he would die for and all of his plants.A spaceship on his rooftop? An alien person, unconscious in his lap? That was movie stuff. Something he’d pay to see, not something that would ever happen to him. It just wasn’t realistic.And yet, there he was.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Park Jisung
Comments: 10
Kudos: 46
Collections: the rensung files





	elin nín

**Author's Note:**

> prompt #RSF045 - renjun never would've imagined his first encounter with an alien to be a gangly park jisung crash-landing in his garden
> 
> i took some creative liberties with the whole garden thing sdfghjk n i stole sindarin from tolkien, that's the language jisung speaks,, i'll put translations to the words in the end notes!! :D
> 
> the referenced character death is renjun's mom. pls keep that in mind, she's mentioned quite a bit.

_I don’t know if love is a feeling_  
_Sometimes I think it’s a matter of seeing_  
_Seeing you_  
_\- Marguerite Duras_

_I drag you by the hands when I am lonely_  
_In cold streets_  
_Dark rooms_  
_Crying want_  
_I will not let them go_  
_\- Paul Éluard_

_Should we go into it together_  
_If I go into it with you I will never come out_  
_\- Margaret Atwood_

_We’re so much joined in the flesh_  
_that strangers feel the pain if we stop touching_  
_\- Andrea Dworkin_

  
The crash was loud and shook the whole building.

Renjun stopped mid brush stroke, blinking slowly at the painting in front of him as he frowned. It was a light morning sky, pretty fluffy clouds, grass blowing on the wind. He was just starting the two people this view belonged to when something big and heavy hit the roof of his apartment.

He put down the brush and listened. 

The building was tall. There wasn’t a lot that could fall on top of it and make that much noise. Renjun’s apartment was on the highest floor, was the only one there, smaller than the others but more than he had any use for. It was unlikely any of the neighbors knew the shaking hadn’t been an earthquake. 

He sighed, getting up from the stool reluctantly. If anyone was going to investigate, it would have to be him. Renjun walked around his studio, mostly buying himself time, but he couldn’t hear anything but the rattling of the ceiling vibrating under the weight. 

He definitely wasn’t looking forward to whatever _that_ was. Of course, he could always ignore it but it didn’t feel right, and he had to think about his plants. It was a privilege allowed to him by the landlady, to have a part of the rooftop for his garden, and Renjun wasn’t willing to let whatever that was ruin his progress. 

He stopped, finally getting to terms with his fate. He didn’t like how it sounded at all, walking out of his studio into the living room and going to check on his guinea pigs, just to make sure they were okay. The two boys chewed on hay and just stared at him blankly when Renjun offered his hand for them to sniff. 

It was even louder outside. Renjun hesitated by the open door, looking around the floor. No one was coming from the stairs or the elevator. It was only him and the noisy thing upstairs.

It could be a burglar, he reasoned with himself, walking carefully to the stairwell. It could be a murderer. There were a lot of ways this could go wrong for him. Renjun didn’t have a lot in life yet he still thought he was too young to die. _But the plants,_ he remembered and he was convinced. 

He had to let Mark know; Renjun took his phone out as he went up the stairs. He didn’t trust Filbert and Marshal with anyone else, and if someone would have to take care of his garden, at least he knew Mark’s boyfriend would do it. Renjun stopped by the rooftop’s door, finished signing his will and went in.

Nothing could’ve prepared him for what he found.

“Holy shit.”

Renjun resisted the urge to apologize, well aware that Filbert and Marshal weren’t around and he had no reason not to curse. Old habits die hard, he realised, staring wide eyed at the spaceship.

It was smaller than he expected, which was kind of a bummer. It wasn’t round and shaped like a hat like it tended to be in the movies. Renjun wasn’t sure what shape it had exactly, since half of it was destroyed by the crash. The rooftop was covered in smoke, a part of the spaceship lit up in flames. Was it even actually a spaceship? He wasn’t sure, didn’t know what to pay attention to, walking hesitantly up to it. 

Renjun took his eyes off of it to check on his plants, relieved to see they looked just fine. The smoke wouldn’t be good for them, though. It wouldn’t be good for him either, yet he kept going.

There weren’t any space programs anywhere near him. It wasn’t a plane or it would’ve sent the entire building to the ground. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, but there weren’t a lot of logical explanations for what was going on. When Renjun imagined finally meeting alien life, this wasn’t at all how it went down, but he was in no position to complain. He stopped by the ruins. 

Renjun couldn’t see a door. He waved his hands, trying to clear the air as he walked around it. The backside was wide open, a piece of the machine over a slowly dying blue light. 

It flicked, on and off.

A gasp left his lips and he grabbed it without being aware of what he was doing. The piece was hot in his hands as he tried to get it out before the light turned off completely. Renjun was desperate, it was an impending feeling, like he _had_ to, but he didn’t understand why. He didn’t even acknowledge when his palms started burning.

“Please”, he whispered, choked up, but he wasn’t sure what he was asking for. Pulling on the piece until his arms ached all over. It was heavy, and Renjun could barely see from all the smoke making his eyes burn.

The light died down. He stopped, dread pilling at the bottom of his stomach, holding his breath. Then it started again, slow and dim, getting brighter and brighter to the point Renjun had to close his eyes. He panted, white spots in his eyelids, waiting.

It felt like forever until he could open his eyes again, though it was hardly a minute later. 

The smoke was gone, sky clear and stars shining bright. The spaceship wasn’t shaking the entire building anymore. The blue light wasn’t anywhere to be found. Instead, in its place, there was a person.

Renjun’s breath hitched. He hesitated for just a second before pushing the piece of machinery off of them. 

The first thing Renjun noticed was their hair. It was blue, long-ish, falling over their closed eyes. They had soft features, they looked young. Full cheeks, slim nose, heart shaped lips. Renjun looked down at their chest, realising they were completely still. 

He jumped to his knees, heart beating fast in his throat as he hovered a finger over their cupid’s bow, trying to feel their breathing. It was shallow, but it was there. Still, just to make sure, Renjun lowered a hand to their wrist, feeling the pulse under his fingertips. He let out a shaky breath, closing his eyes.

Holy shit indeed.

Getting them down to his apartment was a struggle. They were taller and heavier than him, so he had to stop every few minutes to readjust. Not letting them fall down the stairs was the hardest part but Renjun was proud he managed to do it, opening his door harshly and spooking his piggies into hiding. 

He would get them a treat for that, he decided, dragging himself and the person to the couch. 

Renjun stopped to catch his breath, lying against the armrest and having them lie down on his lap. This was… Not his smartest idea, but Renjun wasn’t prone to thinking things through. All he knew was that there was an unconscious alien... person and he had to help them. 

That was all.

He looked down at the person on top of him with their mouth slightly open, so Renjun waved his hand in front of their face again, just to make sure. His phone vibrated then and he had to manoeuvre to get it from his back pocket without letting them fall from his lap. It was a text from Mark. 

Renjun:

hey dude if i die, ur filbert n marshals guardian, okay?

and pls have taeyong take care of my plants, i’d appreciate it so much

i’d become u guys guardian angel or smth

protect ur love from the stars

ok thats all thank u!

going to find out what hit my roof just now, wish me luck

love u!!

Mark:

renjun what the fuck

are you okay?? should i go there??

wtf something hit your roof????

please tell me you’re alive

i love filbert and marshal but we all know i’m a disaster taking care of living things

gertrudes only is alive bc of taeyong </3

Renjun:

hey im cool

but there’s a spaceship in my roof

n an unconscious person in my lap

so i might still die, keep an eye out for that

Mark:

renjun

for real

what the Actual fuck

For real? He didn’t know.

Renjun was just a normal dude, he didn’t have an interesting life. He went to college, he painted, he lived on his own and had one, maybe two good friends. He didn’t have any family, just two guinea pigs that he would die for and all of his plants. 

A spaceship on his rooftop? An alien person, unconscious in his lap? That was movie stuff. Something he’d pay to see, not something that would ever happen to him. It just wasn’t realistic.

And yet, there he was. And there they were. 

He got up, doing his best not to disturb them too much. He got them a pillow and a blanket and fixed their position, trying to get them comfortable even though his couch was the absolute worst. It was dumb to trust someone he didn’t know, but they didn’t look the least bit threatening, despite the whole circumstance. 

Renjun could be signing up his will, he knew that very well, but there wasn’t much else he could do. He wasn’t about to just leave them like that, without being sure they would be fine. If he died, he died. It’d be too bad but oh well. Mark may not be good at taking care of living things, but Renjun knew he wouldn’t get rid of his boys, so at least he had that going on. 

He stopped between the living room and kitchen, watching Filbert and Marshal for a while. Filbert was lying down with his leggies stretched out, sleeping with his eyes closed. Renjun’s own eyes filled with tears every time he saw it, knowing he was trusted this much. Marshal was more alert, but he was still lying beside Filbert, observing everything around him. He flinched when Renjun went to pat his head, but otherwise stayed still, purring when he scratched behind his ear.

Renjun kept petting Marshal, looking up to the person on his couch. To the unsuspecting eye they seemed to be just sleeping, and technically they were, but it was still worrisome. He really didn’t know what he was going to do about everything that had just happened, didn’t know if he should try and wake them up or let them rest. They didn’t seem to be hurt, and Renjun wasn’t sure how to help them. 

Marshal lightly bit his finger before moving off to bug Filbert and Renjun smiled, going into the kitchen to get them their treat.

He was feeding them small pieces of carrots when someone knocked on his door.

“Mark?”, he called, confused.

Mark was pale, standing there like he had seen a ghost. “You stopped answering me, you asshole. You can’t leave me like that.”

Warmth spread across his chest and Renjun softened, cooing.

“Oh god, you are baby.” He urged him in. “They’re still sleeping, though, so I’m not dead yet.”

Mark gave him an ugly stare, closing the door behind himself and stopping in his tracks as soon as he saw the person on the couch. Understandable. Renjun nodded solemnly. 

“I didn’t expect you to be telling the truth”, Mark said, cocking his head as he looked them over, “Who are they?”

“If I knew!”

Renjun went back to finish feeding his kids, watching Mark hesitantly walk up to the person and stop in the middle of the living room, just staring at them. It was hard to tell what he was thinking.

They were silent for a while, with Mark assessing the situation, and Renjun petting his piggies, unsure of what to do and say to get rid of the awkward silence. 

“This is… Uh…”, Mark was the first to speak, turning around to look at him, “I have no idea what to think. This is insane.”

Renjun nodded, “Sure is.”

It was a situation of just - how do you explain to your best friend everything that happened? It all went by so fast and it was all so weird. Renjun was still trying to understand it himself.

“You said... something about a spaceship?”, Mark asked.

Convincing Mark that he would be fine spending the night alone with an alien was even harder when Renjun himself wasn't sure of what he was agreeing to. 

Especially with the state the rooftop was in, a mess of spaceship parts and dust, all over the floor and settling on a fine layer in the tables holding his potted plants. It was a mess. He had no idea how he would even begin to clean everything up, but at least he was the only one with keys to the roof. Besides the landlady, of course, but it was rare that she came around. Renjun was all about those small blessings.

Mark had been speechless, looking at what was left of the spaceship like he was expecting it to disappear right before his eyes. If he hadn't been convinced before that whoever was sleeping on Renjun's couch was an alien, he definitely was now. 

He stayed around for dinner. While Renjun cooked, Mark opened the piggies' playpen in the living room and set them loose, sitting on the floor to play. The two of them threw out ideas on what Renjun should do next, each one more absurd than the last, and they made so much noise he was surprised the person on his couch didn't even stir. Not even when Mark got a spare fleece liner and tried tickling their nose. 

And then, sooner than he'd like, Renjun was alone.

Or, as alone as he could be.

Standing in the middle of his, now guinea pig free, living room, he looked around, feeling restless but unsure of what to do. It was late now, around the time he would start getting ready for bed. Somehow the thought of sleeping sounded like a nightmare. He didn’t want to leave the room, didn’t trust to leave Filbert and Marshal with a stranger through the night, wanted to keep an eye on them for as long as he could. 

He had classes the next day and he was very aware that staying awake was not a good idea, but he didn’t know what else to do. He got his phone out, turned off the lights and settled in the armchair beside the couch. 

It was going to be a long night.

Renjun blinked awake, eyes aching in desperate need to stay closed. His alarm blasted through the room, and he didn’t need to look to know that Filbert and Marshal ran to hide as soon as the loud noise started. 

He forced his eyes shut, trying to fix them somehow as he fumbled with his phone, turning the damned thing off. He had classes. He knew. Yet he couldn’t help but fall under sleep’s spell, just for a little while…

Renjun jumped in his skin, alert, finally noticing he wasn’t in his room. He was sleeping in the armchair, in the living room, because there was an alien, because he couldn’t leave Filbert and Marshal alone. He looked around, head pounding behind his eyes, ready for the worst. However, his piggies were just fine, already over the loud noise of his alarm, cui cuing and zooming around the cage. 

He let out a shaky breath, turning to look at the couch. The person had moved in their sleep but didn’t seem to have woken up any time yet. But at least they moved. All that mattered was that they were alive.

Renjun got up, not giving himself time to think or he’d stay there forever. The armchair wasn’t the most comfortable piece of furniture he had, plus the fact he had forgotten to take off his binder before going to sleep and he wasn’t in his best shape, spine and ribs aching as he walked to his room. After getting rid of his restraining clothes and changing, he did some stretches. It was a while since he last went to the studio and danced, and he knew he didn’t have the best discipline regarding biding safely, but he tried sometimes.

After washing his face, brushing his teeth and cleaning the piggies cage, he went to the kitchen to make breakfast, stopping for a moment to give Filbert and Marshal a cherry tomato each. He ate by the island, watching his boys share the last piece and the alien person sleep. They were starting to come back, if the way their brows twitched and their lips were pursed meant anything. Renjun would love to know what they were dreaming of.

If they were dreaming of anything. 

It was when he was washing the dishes that a loud _thud_ made him jump. Renjun turned the water off in a hurry, scrambling to get the knife he used to cut the piggies’ tomatoes, both it and his hands wet and dripping on the floor when he turned around.

He processed the scene before him with eyes wide open, jaw tense. Maybe he was too quick to jump to conclusions, because all he saw was the person on the floor from having fallen from the couch. They whined in a low and deep voice, which was a surprise from how soft they looked. Their hair was sticking all over the place, and they were caressing the arm they had fallen on top of, mumbling something Renjun was too far away to understand. Though, it didn’t sound like a language he knew. 

His steps were small and soft as he tried not to make any noise approaching them. He took the knife with him, just in case, but lowered his arm so it wasn’t threatening. For all purposes, he might as well just have been cooking. 

The person sat up, blinking slowly, looking over their fingers and hand and legs. They were definitely not used to having a human body, poking at their toes like they didn’t understand what they were for. Raising their hands to touch their own face, they felt their eyebrows and ran their fingers through their hair before pulling on their ears curiously. It was an endearing sight despite the circumstances, but Renjun wasn’t sure of what was going to happen when they realised they weren’t alone.

A miscalculated step and the floor creaked under his feet, making the person raise their head like a startled prey animal, like Renjun had seen the piggies do millions of times. It was telling of the nature of this person and he could immediately tell they were more scared of him than he was of them.

“It’s okay”, he said, voice as gentle as he could make it. “You’re okay. You don’t need to be scared of me.”

Renjun realised saying that while holding a knife was a bit hypocritical of him, thank you very much. He stayed glued to where he was, not wanting to make any sudden movement and scare them. Just because they were scared didn’t mean they wouldn’t pounce him. Sometimes the best defense is to attack. 

The person’s eyes were trained on him, unblinking. It was unnerving the more he stared into them, but looking away felt like the wrong move to make. 

“Can you understand me?”, he asked, speaking slowly, “My name’s Renjun. You’re in my house. You fell on the roof, do you remember that?”

As soon as Renjun said the word _fell,_ their eyes widened slightly, unfocusing. They did remember that. He would never be able to tell how they understood any of what he said, but he wasn’t going to complain.

“I helped you. You slept for a long time, I was worried you were hurt.”

The person finally blinked, breaking eye contact and relaxing just enough. It was obvious they were still suspicious, but they seemed to not deem him enough threat, despite the knife he was still holding. Renjun was just hoping they didn’t know what a knife was.

“‘M not hurt”, they mumbled. They had a strong accent to go with their deep voice, laced with uncertainty. “Just recharging.”

That made sense. Renjun nodded, a little too enthusiastically.

“I’m glad you’re okay. Do you, hm…”, he trailed off, unsure of where to go from there. “Are you… hungry?”

The person cocked their head, frowning. “Hungry…”

Renjun couldn’t tell if they knew what it was or not.

“I made pancakes.”

Their eyes darted from a place to another, like they were assessing a mental dictionary and figuring out word by word what he said. Whatever they found out seemed to peak their interest, because their eyes sparkled, looking at him like they wanted to say yes but didn’t think they should.

In the end, their curiosity won because they nodded, slightly. 

Renjun:

guess who woke up!!!!!!!!

they like my pancakes unlike certain people

Mark:

oh god

is everything okay???

Renjun:

definitely

they’re baby n much more scared of me than i am of them

they were scared of filbert n marshal

i think ill be fine

Mark:

thank fuck

i won't have to parent them now

taeyong will be sad he won't be able to keep your plants tho

Renjun:

stop lying taeyong would cry so much if i died

Mark:

:/

guess so

don’t forget classes start in twenty minutes

Renjun:

oh fuck

“Do you have a name?”, Renjun asked as he was changing his clothes, too late to think about the fact that he was walking around with no pants on in front of an alien. 

Sometimes you just have to get through the day. Besides, they obviously didn’t have the same customs as humans because they didn’t look embarrassed or weirded out at all, just confused as to what Renjun was getting up to.

They sat on the couch after finishing eating (and boy did they eat), wary of everything around them but mostly Filbert and Marshal, even though they were in their cage. Renjun left them there as he got ready to leave, trying to remember all he had to bring to college and figure out what exactly he’d do with the alien. It wasn’t like he could bring them along, even though he hated the idea of leaving them alone in his apartment. He didn’t have many options, he could call his dancing buddy, Jeno, since he was a babysitter, but they haven’t spoken in ages.

“Name…?”, they repeated to themselves, in a whisper. “Do I have a name?”

While they figured themselves out, Renjun jumped on only one feet, trying to get into his jeans on the way to his room. There, he got his backpack and his books, looking through his desk drawers for an old phone before going back to the living room.

He looked at the person while he put on his mismatched socks, waiting for an answer. They scrunched their nose. 

“Mother called me... _Ýneg._ Twelve.”

Renjun frowned. “That’s a number, not a name.”

Ýneg shrugged, sheepishly, crossing their arms. 

“I am the twelfth of fifteen siblings.”

Well, shit. Fifteen kids is a lot. Renjun wasn’t sure he should be scared or impressed, but with the whole numbering kids instead of naming them, it didn’t sit well with him. He didn’t have time to ponder on that, though, he was more than late already.

“We’ll talk more about this later”, he said, taking the old phone from his jeans pocket and making sure it was charged. “Here. With how advanced your spaceship was, I’m gonna assume you can learn how to use this. It’s a cellphone. You turn it on like this”, he pressed the button on the side, showing Ýneg how to do it, “And if you need to talk to me, you just have to do this.” Sliding his finger through the screen, he easily found his own number and pressed the green call button. 

His phone started ringing in his backpack, startling the alien, who jumped in place.

“It’s okay”, he went on, turning off the call. “It makes this noise so you know someone wants to talk to you.”

Ýneg nodded, eyes wide as they took the little device in. Renjun offered it to them and they took it with the tip of their fingertips, like they were scared it was going to start ringing again. It was cute, but Renjun didn’t have time to admire the poor alien’s first human discovery. He had to go.

“Alright, listen, I have classes, okay? But I’ll be back”, Renjun said, rushing to reassure Ýneg as soon as they turned their wide scared eyes at him, “Don’t worry. Are you seeing this clock?”, he pointed to the lit up phone, “When it turns 12PM I’ll be back.”

Ýneg nodded, though their eyes didn’t go down in size. Renjun wasn’t really looking forward to leaving them alone either, lingering by the door when he finally had the courage to get through it. He shut it after himself, nervously going back and forth before making his mind and running down the stairs.

He went through his classes paying little to no attention to anything the teachers said. Not that he didn’t try, but he couldn’t find it in himself to focus when there was an alien in his house, with all of his and his mom’s things, with Filbert and Marshal. He didn’t think Ýneg would do anything bad on purpose, but he was also aware they didn’t have a clue on what was bad or not in human standards. 

So he called them as soon as he left the classroom for the break. He still had a few classes to go through later and he didn’t want to wait to know how everything was going. Ýneg picked up after a few minutes, in which he had already gotten to the cafeteria and claimed a table to wait for Mark.

“Ýneg?”, he called when they didn’t say anything. “Are you okay?”

“I think so”, Ýneg’s voice was small, thoughtful. “I have not left the… couch.”

Renjun softened, heart hurting for the poor alien. They must be so bored. He knew he hadn’t had time to think about this when he left home, but he should’ve at least turned on the TV for them. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think about that.”

“Sorry...?”

“Do you want me to tell you how to turn on the TV?”

Ýneg was quiet for a while. Renjun could just imagine their confused face, going through their internal dictionary to find out what the hell he was talking about. He didn’t mind waiting, drumming his fingers on the table. 

“I would like that”, Ýneg said, just a few seconds later.

Renjun couldn’t help smiling. “Alright.”

After he told them what to do, he could hear some old cartoons in the background as he asked them about Filbert and Marshal. They were scared of getting too close, but it was okay, Renjun made sure everything was fine with the three of them and hung up. By then Mark finally appeared in his line of vision, waving at him.

He waved back, watching Mark turn to the food stand before putting his phone on his backpack and digging in on his own already cold food. 

“Hey! You’re alive”, Mark said with a smile, sitting in the chair in front of him.

Renjun rolled his eyes. “Sure am.”

Mark broke his chopsticks apart, blowing him a raspberry.

“How’s the kid?”

“They’re fine.” Renjun shrugged, biting his lower lip nervously. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do, though.”

Mark raised an eyebrow at him, motioning for him to keep going, as he slurped his noodles. Renjun sighed, playing with his own food. “I’m broke, and I don’t have a job. I can only keep the apartment because of my mom’s pension. Now I have someone else that I’m responsible for. I just don’t know.”

He had refused to think about this before but now it weighed on his shoulders. Throwing Ýneg away was never an option, even when Renjun didn’t know if they were dangerous. He would never do it. Their spaceship looked too wrecked to fix, even to his human eyes, and without it, they weren’t going anywhere. They were staying, with him, in his small ass apartment. And he would have to take care of them.

Mark hummed, nodding. He considered Renjun’s dilemma for a while before saying, “You’re not gonna like what I’m gonna say. But you should talk to Shotaro.”

A noodle got stuck in his throat and Renjun coughed, eyes prickling with tears. He accepted when Mark offered him his glass of Coke, taking his time to stop coughing before taking a sip.

“I’m not gonna do that”, he said with a rough voice, cleaning his face with the back of his hand.

Mark looked at him pointedly, like he wasn’t impressed.

“Why not? You’re a good dancer.” He pointed at Renjun with his chopsticks. “You did ballet for your whole childhood, you guys are good friends. He’d get you a job at the studio.”

“I haven’t talked to him in months”, Renjun whispered.

He couldn’t resist looking at the farthest table from them where Shotaro was sitting, laughing at something Donghyuck had said. It made his heart heavy with how much he wanted to go to them and how much he wanted nothing more than to run away. Renjun stopped looking, trying not to be caught.

Mark raised an eyebrow at him. 

“So what? He’s not mean. He’s not gonna turn you away when you need help.”

“But then…” Renjun sighed. “But then I’m gonna have to talk to Jeno. And even worse, Donghyuck.”

He risked another glance at their table. The atmosphere had changed within moments, Shotaro picking at his food and Donghyuck staring at the table’s surface, lost in thought. Until he felt himself being watched and turned just in time to catch Renjun.

They had fought, and it had been ugly. Renjun wasn’t proud of it. Now that it had been so many months, he didn’t know how to go about it. Didn’t know how to apologize.

He turned back to Mark, who shook his head at him.

“Jeno may be a little impossible to get around since he goes to the studio often, but you don’t have to talk to Donghyuck if you’re not ready”, Mark said, voice gentle, “He’s just Shotaro’s roommate, he doesn’t even have to know.”

“I don’t know…”

“They miss you, Renjun”, Mark interrupted him, “They’re not gonna hold it against you.”

Renjun tried to swallow around the lump in his throat but it wouldn’t go away. The thing was that he knew that, he knew that despite the fact that he pushed his friends away, he fought with them just to feel something when all he felt was numb, they’d take him back without thinking twice about it. But he couldn’t go yet.

“I just can’t do it right now”, he whispered, turning back to his sad excuse of a meal. 

Mark sighed, reaching out to pat his arm. 

The rest of his classes passed in a similar stressful fashion. There was nothing Renjun could do right then and there, but anxiety wasn’t something to argue with. He couldn’t help it, couldn’t get rid of the heavy weight in his chest and the feeling that he should be doing something _now._

It was only when he got to his apartment that he gave himself a moment to breathe, standing outside his door with a hand on the handle. He could hear the TV from outside but otherwise it was silent, and he used that fact to focus on the white noise and nothing else. It was easier, then, to clear his mind and tell himself to take it one problem at a time, closing his eyes.

When he opened them, his eyes fell to his hand, still holding on the handle, bright blue staining the skin under his ring and pinkie finger. It looked like a bruise but he didn’t remember what could’ve caused it. Probably the spaceship. He pushed it to the back of his mind.

Ýneg was sitting on the floor, facing his ancient TV, that was showing a variety show or another, Renjun didn’t care much for TV shows and would never be able to recognize any that wasn’t on Netflix. They turned around to look at him immediately, eyes wide and alert. 

“Hey”, he said, closing the door after himself and throwing his backpack on the couch. Ýneg relaxed as soon as they realized who it was. “It’s just me.”

Ýneg got up, like a puppy that was waiting for their owner to get home. They approached him until they realized what they were doing and stopped in the middle of a step. It was a weird type of trust the both of them had built in a matter of hours, in which they didn’t actually trust each other yet but had no one else to turn to. Renjun couldn’t send them away. Ýneg had no one else in the planet. They were in the middle of a very complicated game of jenga.

“Hi”, Ýneg said, softly.

Renjun smiled at them, going to see how the piggies were doing. Just to clear his conscience. Marshal was sleeping with his eyes open inside their fleece tunnel while Filbert drank noisily from the water bottle, pulling on it just because he could. It was a bad habit Renjun didn’t know how to stop, just like Marshal gnawing on the metal bars of the cage whenever he took too long to get their food.

“Have you ever had _chow mein?”_ Renjun looked at Ýneg, who had been observing his every move. He didn’t expect them to have eaten chinese food in outer space, but he still waited while they accessed what it was. 

They shook their head just a few moments later, curiously staring at him. 

“Do you wanna try?”

Ýneg followed him to the kitchen, standing on the door with a feet still in the living room, just watching Renjun go about his business.

It was weird, the constant observation, the curiosity for such simple things like cooking a dish he knew how to make with his eyes closed. Renjun wasn’t used to the company anymore, with the presence of another person, having to share his space. It had only been around a year and a half now, but loneliness was easy to get accustomed with. 

He put the pasta to boil, getting the vegetables and the meat as he pointed to the chair by the kitchen island. “You don’t have to stand there, you can sit if you want.”

Ýneg eyed the chair, accessing if it was safe or not, giving Renjun a quick glance like he was setting them up to something. Renjun smiled at them, encouraging, before turning to the cutting board. The sound of the chair scraping the floor followed soon after. 

Ignoring the staring was a lot easier when he couldn’t see Ýneg in the corner of his eye. The vegetables were soon cut into cubes, then the meat, by then the noodles were already boiling so he drained it and left it to cool down while he assembled the sauce. He always forgot to get it ready before doing everything else, could hear his mom nagging in the back of his head as he seasoned the meat.

Renjun cleared his throat. “So. Ýneg. That was a nasty fall.”

There was some shuffling before they answered.

“Earth’s atmosphere is different… from other planets’”, they said, “I was not ready for it.”

Well, that was interesting. Renjun turned around, leaving the meat to marinate, curious about what Ýneg had to say. 

“Really?”, he asked, “Is there life on a lot of other planets?”

Renjun always imagined there was, maybe too far away to find Earth, but _there_ somewhere. The whole problem of having another mouth to feed overpowered his excitement over discovering he was right all along, but now it was catching up to him. Donghyuck would go insane if he ever told him.

Ýneg nodded. “A lot, but different. I have never been anything like this.”

“Ah, that’s true.” Renjun perked up. “You didn’t have a body at first. Can you shapeshift?”

The word felt weird on his tongue, talking about an alien. Shapeshifters were in the classic creatures section of his brain not in the science fiction category. 

“I have a body, just not like yours. I guess… shapeshifting is a name for it”, they said, “Like you are made of water and flesh, I am made of light and matter, it changes my form according to what I need to survive the atmosphere change.”

Renjun nodded, trying to wrap his mind around it. After everything, this was the least weird part of it all. “That’s actually super cool.”

Ýneg gave him a small smile, cheeks dusted pink, and it was the first time Renjun had seen them express any type of emotion besides confusion, curiosity and fear. It looked good on them, brought out the freckles Renjun didn’t notice they had.

“Do you go to other planets a lot?”, he asked, turning back to the food he was supposed to be making. He turned the stove on again, stir frying some garlic before adding the meat. 

“I like travelling”, Ýneg said, “And meeting other cultures. There is not a lot for me back home.”

His heart ached. “I get that.”

He had nothing else to say, and Ýneg made no commentary on their own, so he focused on finishing their food. In the pan went the veggies and the noodles, before the sauce and water and bean sprouts. A few minutes later and it was ready, he put the pan on the kitchen island and watched as Ýneg looked at it curiously. 

Not wanting to keep the alien from their first actual human meal, he got them plates and chopsticks before sitting by their side. Ýneg made a lot of noise when they liked something. It was cute, them moaning around a mouthful of chow mein like it was the last time they’d be able to have it. 

Renjun let them have the last bit, chuckling when Ýneg accepted without thinking twice.

After lunch, Ýneg asked to see their spaceship.

The whole way up to the rooftop was filled with Ýneg cowering, afraid of every little noise, looking around with their eyes wide and alert, the look Renjun was getting used to seeing on their face. He tried to reassure them there was absolutely nothing that could hurt them in the staircase but he didn’t think they believed him.

It was easier to see now that it was in the middle of the day. The rooftop was around the same size as his apartment, maybe a little bigger. For most part it was completely empty, except for his potted plants on top of two tables in one of the corners, painted red and blue and worn down from the weather. Renjun remembered helping paint them, when he was younger.

Most of the plants were succulents, his mom’s favorites. They used to be hers.

“Oh.” Ýneg breathed out, bringing him out of his daydream. They stopped cowering, going straight to their spaceship, on the other end of the rooftop. 

There were remains all around the machine. What was left of their spaceship looked sad, like a broken robot after being put to sleep. Ýneg handled it with a care Renjun would never tell they possessed, looking through what was left inside the ship. The part that hadn’t shattered against the ground actually didn’t seem that broken, now that he could actually see it. 

Ýneg’s bright blue hair tinkled when the sunlight hit it, mesmerising and distracting. They were concentrated, brows furrowed and lips slightly parted while they made sense of that mess. There was a little bit of sauce from the chow mein in the corner of their mouth.

“I have good news.” 

Renjun never heard them sound so excited. Ýneg looked at him and beamed.

“Yeah?”

“My ship is not destroyed beyond repair, the controls and hard drive survived the fall”, they said, getting up from the floor. They made no move to clean up their clothes and Renjun had to suppress the need to clean it for them. “I can fix it, but I need tools. If that is okay.”

He blinked, taking a while to understand what they were telling him. 

“Wait, really? That’s great! I mean, not that I’m trying to get rid of you or anything, but I’m sure you wouldn’t want to live the rest of your life on a foreign planet…” Renjun gesticulated, trying to make up for the words he seemed to have no control of. Ýneg didn’t look offended, smiling at him, so he changed his methods. “How long do you guys live, by the way?”

Ýneg cocked their head, murmuring as they counted. “Around 400 years.”

“Oh, goodness.” Renjun’s eyes widened. “That’s four times my lifespan. You’re like a turtle.”

“Turtle…”

He didn’t stop to explain. “I’ll help you fix your ship! You can’t stay the rest of your life here, I’d die faster than you.”

“Oh.” Ýneg was taken aback. “Thank you.”

“It’s okay! Now let’s go, we still have some things to talk about.”

Ýneg was only twenty years old. 

According to them, they were an explorer, who had left their planet many years ago to venture into the galaxy. Renjun would never tell, with the way they were wary of every little suspicious thing around them, that didn’t scream adventurous to him. But Ýneg had been to a lot of places, had planned to land smoothly on Earth and explore just like all the times before.

They weren’t very close to their family. It was natural for Edhil to have a lot of children but no deep connection between them, each doing their own thing, finding their own paths. 

Renjun had expected their technology to be way more advanced than humans, but he was still surprised when Ýneg showed him their gadgets, what they could save from their spaceship’s remains. It was too complicated for his feeble mind, he could only imagine that was how Ýneg had felt when Renjun handed them a simple cellphone. 

They talked for a long time. In return for all they were willing to tell him, Renjun explained humanity to the best of his abilities. Most they wanted to know was what they had seen on the cartoons they watched through the day. Ýneg had been utterly confused when Renjun fell into laughter just because they asked if Tom & Jerry was how animals actually acted. Imagining Filbert and Marshal trying to best each other in elaborate ways was the highlight of his day. 

Of course, all fun comes to an end.

“We need to think about what’s gonna happen next.”

They were in the living room. Renjun was sitting on the floor, against the armchair, while Ýneg had gone ahead and was sitting on the couch, all proper, like they weren’t sure what they were allowed to touch, didn’t know if anything was going to jump out at them. It was endearing, watching them look down at him with wide eyes.

“What is going to happen?”, they repeated, confused.

He nodded. “We don’t know how long it’s gonna take to fix your spaceship, it might be weeks, it might be years. If you’re staying indefinitely, we have to think about what to do.”

Truth was, _he_ had to think about what to do. He would be the one responsible. Pushing some of the weight he felt on his shoulders onto Ýneg seemed wrong, but the weight was only there to begin with because of them. Renjun hoped it was fair to ask, he couldn’t do this by himself.

“I see…”

He could tell they were confused, despite the understanding that the both of them needed rules. Just for the sake of peaceful cohabitation. Renjun didn’t expect a lot of them, but since from now on it was the two of them against the world, they might as well get over the awkward _getting to know you phase._

“You can stay”, he said, just to get it out of the way. “It’s gonna be hard but I’m not gonna throw you away, so you don’t have to worry about that, ever. But I’ll need help. Not now, but in the future.”

Ýneg nodded, shoulders relaxing. 

“Thank you.” They hesitated. “I am sorry for bringing you problems. I will do whatever I can to help.”

Renjun smiled, holding out his bruised hand. Ýneg seemed confused, looking at it like they didn’t know what to do, until their eyes widened, looking to Renjun’s face. 

“It’s called a handshake”, he said, softly. Unsure of what had made them tense up. “We shake hands to seal a deal.”

Ýneg’s eyes fell on his hand, on the bruise he still didn’t know where it had come from, and slowly, they reached out, taking Renjun’s hand in their own. Theirs was bigger than his, he realised. He barely reached the tip of his fingers to the edge of their palm. He had known they were taller, of course, it was impossible not to notice, but he hadn’t felt _small_ until now.

It was like his hand was made to fit theirs. Renjun blinked, heart pounding in his ears, looking up to see that Ýneg was already looking back at him. The blue of their hair matched the bruise in his hand. 

Living with Ýneg was much like living with a cat. Though Ýneg didn’t appreciate the comparison.

It took a couple of days for them to come out of their shell. At first, they were quiet, alert, suspicious of every little thing. They got used to the apartment, got used to living with another person. Renjun got used to them, too.

Of course, it was complicated. He didn’t want them to feel unsafe, wanted them to trust him. It was like owning another guinea pig, having to tame them all over again.

Ýneg didn’t like that comparison either.

They weren’t the most fond of animals, in general. Renjun tried to get them to see Filbert and Marshal were just two fluffballs, but they got squeamish whenever they got too close to the cage. He didn’t know if that would ever change. The piggies didn’t manage to tame Ýneg, but he liked to think he was doing a good job at it.

Working on the spaceship with them helped. Since Renjun had classes, mostly in the morning, he left them on the rooftop. When he came back from college, he made lunch and brought it up for them to eat while cloud gazing. Then, he would become Ýneg’s assistant, lending a hand in whatever they needed, usually with tools they didn’t know how to use.

Renjun made them help him clean the rooftop, throwing away what they wouldn’t need for the spaceship, dusting off the tables and even watering the plants. Ýneg was better with non moving living beings than he would’ve thought, and was always happy to take care of them when Renjun couldn’t.

They also didn’t complain when he asked for help around the house, though Renjun learned not to leave them in cooking duty. It was fine, he prefered cooking himself, and Ýneg liked feeling useful by washing and drying the dishes. Win-win for all involved.

It was weird, having someone around all the time. Ever since his mom passed, it had been just him, talking to himself and to Filbert and Marshal, who couldn’t respond. The apartment was cold. It settled in his spine, in his core and he felt it all the time, no matter the season. Numbing, from his toes all the way to his fingertips. Loneliness was a state of being.

Losing his mom wasn’t easy, and then he went there and pushed away his friends to complete his misery.

He tried with Mark as well, but Mark refused to let it happen. Renjun had never been more grateful that he was a stubborn ass, he didn’t know what he’d do without him. Not that he would ever tell him, it’d go straight to his ego.

Having Ýneg there helped, made it less empty. Made _him_ less empty. Like he’d known them his entire life, from a distant dream. A thousand years ago. 

“For an explorer, you’re such a scaredy-cat.”

Ýneg hissed at him, further proving his point. Renjun chuckled, hiding his smile behind his hand to not offend them. He got into the elevator, wanting to show that it was completely safe and that they would be okay getting into a closed box that would teletransport them to the ground floor. It was the first time Ýneg accepted to leave the apartment, a whole month after they fell on his rooftop. They were just supposed to go to the art store around the corner, to buy Renjun more paint and canvases, but the quick trip turned into a vacation with how long it was taking them to leave the building.

He understood it was scary, and if he wasn’t so used to the elevator and came from a completely different planet, he would also have his doubts, but it was their only option. He simply refused to go down 40 flights of stairs.

“C’mon, I promise nothing bad is gonna happen”, he said, holding the elevator door open.

Ýneg’s wide eyes left the floor to look at him, expectant and searching. Renjun smiled softly, watching them sigh and purse their lips, raising their pinkie at him.

“Promise?”, they whispered, with a tremble to their voice.

Renjun’s heart broke. He laced their pinkies together without thinking twice.

“Promise.”

Neither let go. Ýneg got into the elevator, shuffling as close to Renjun as they could without actually touching him. They were iffy about touching him, he didn’t really understand. It was clear they were affectionate but held themselves back, like they wanted to but felt like they couldn’t. Renjun didn’t know how to tell them he didn’t mind.

They went all the way to the art store with their pinkies intertwined. Ýneg walked close to him. He imagined it was scary for them, wondered how different Earth was to other planets they’d visited.

Renjun did his best to look through what he needed without letting Ýneg go. He gave them a basket to hold, so their free hand could act as his own, motioning for it when he decided to buy something. Ýneg watched everything with great curiosity, looking through the aisles but not touching anything, every once in a while checking what Renjun gave for them to hold. It was so cute, he couldn’t help smiling, watching Ýneg from the corner of his eyes.

After a while, he started whispering to them about how stores worked, what was everything that he bought, how he did art. They were attentive to his every word, hanging onto them and asking questions whenever they didn’t understand something, and Renjun did his best to explain. When they left the store, he stopped whispering, no longer afraid of being seen as a weirdo. By then, Ýneg had relaxed considerably, walking farther away from him.

Not wanting their experience to end so soon, Renjun took a detour, going into a convenience store and dragging them along.

“Renjun?”, they called, nervously. “Where are we?”

He looked back at them and smiled. “Have you ever had ice cream?”

Ýneg blinked, cocking their head and taking a moment to answer.

“I have not.” They sounded less wary but still suspicious, tightening the hold on his finger.

Renjun pulled them, with a bounce in his step. “You’re gonna love it!”

They did love it. The both of them ate their popsicles on the way back home, and Renjun couldn’t help but smile everytime he looked at Ýneg and they were completely focused, trying not to get the ice cream to melt on their hand. He got them an easy one, chocolate. Very few people disliked chocolate, and it seemed like Ýneg wasn’t one of them.

It was easier, this time, to get them into the elevator. Renjun went in first and they hesitated by the door, but all he had to do was pull lightly on their laced pinkies for Ýneg to follow, without looking back.

A few days later, Renjun was working on a painting of Filbert and Marshal - for posterity purposes -, when Ýneg knocked on the door to the studio.

They had gotten better at feeling at home in his tiny apartment, no longer waiting for Renjun’s permission to simply walk into a room, but his studio was the one place they always respected. Kinda funny considering they had no shame in opening the bedroom door without making sure Renjun wasn’t changing in there first. It happened more often than he’d like.

“Come in”, he said, turning around in his stool just in time to see the door open, Ýneg peeking through the opening.

“Renjun?”

“Hey!” He smiled, motioning for them to come inside. “Are you okay?”

Ýneg closed the door softly behind themselves, leaning against the wooden frame. They looked nervous, fidgeting with the hem of the alien t-shirt Renjun had bought them. He thought it was very ironic, but Ýneg didn’t share the sentiment, telling him no alien looked like that.

“Yes…” They sighed. “Can we talk?”

Renjun frowned. “Of course. What about?”

Ýneg hesitated, looking at the floor, cheeks a pretty pink. He didn’t know what this was about, couldn’t remember any instance in which anything big enough for them to want to talk to him like this happened, but it made him nervous as well. He didn’t want them to be uncomfortable, wanted them to be able to talk to him about whatever so he waited. It almost killed him.

In the end, Ýneg made up their mind, looking at him.

“Would you… give me a name?”

Renjun choked. “What?”

That wasn’t the direction he thought this was going to go. Though, to be fair, he didn’t really have a direction in mind.

“I want a name”, Ýneg whispered, wrinkling their shirt between their fingers. “You asked me when I woke up on the first day, but I do not have one.”

“Oh”, Renjun said, as softly as he could while he processed Ýneg’s words.

It was a huge responsibility they asked of him, one he felt wasn’t his to take. Ýneg may not be a conventional name but it was theirs, reminiscent of their culture and of their family. Renjun didn’t feel right renaming them.

He hoped they didn’t feel obligated to it - to change a part of themselves just to fit in.

“Doesn’t your mom call you Ýneg? That’s your name.”

“That is a number, not a name.” Ýneg shook their head. “Mother is _Min,_ One, because she is the first of her siblings. We do not have names.”

“It’s okay, it’s just part of your culture-”

“You do not understand”, they were adamant, though they seemed out of words to make him see what they wanted. “Ýneg is a number. I do not have a name.”

The frustration in Ýneg’s voice made Renjun stop in his tracks. He hadn’t wanted them to feel like they had to change part of who they were, the place they were from but he suddenly understood where they were coming from.

He wasn’t different. Renjun had been where they are.

“Alright, I’m sorry”, he said, “Sometimes, what people call us don’t feel right anymore, it’s okay if you wanna change. But wouldn’t you rather choose your own name?”

Ýneg blinked, confused. “Can I?”

“Of course.” Renjun smiled. “I chose my name. My mom named me something ugly so I changed it.”

That wasn’t the whole truth but he didn’t feel like Ýneg needed to know that. Things weren’t that easy, he thought he should spare them for now.

“Oh… I do not know any names…”, they mumbled, looking away.

Renjun was quick to reassure them.

“That’s okay. You can search on your phone if you want.”

Ýneg nodded, playing with their fingers. “Ah…”

It was quiet for a while. Renjun could tell they weren’t exactly happy with the outcome but were too embarrassed to push it. He remembered, a few years ago, how lonely it had been, when he was on the other side of this conversation.

“Ýneg?”, he called, softly.

They raised their eyes to look at him, face downcast. “Yes?”

“Would you like for me to help you?”

Ýneg’s eyes widened while they assessed his words, beaming when they finally understood, and Renjun couldn’t help smiling back at them.

“Yes, please.”

  
The two of them moved to the living room. Ýneg curled up on the couch against the armrest, hugging a shark plushie Renjun had gotten them when they went to the aquarium a few days ago. For all they distrusted Filbert and Marshal, they had taken a liking to the marine animals, which was nice.

He sat on the floor against the couch, crossed legs, scrolling through names on his phone, just like Ýneg was also doing, throwing out names he thought were cute or that they would like. So far, they weren’t fond of too long, or too overcomplicated names. Simple and short to medium were their favorites, but nothing caught their attention for too long. They were going for their third hour when Renjun’s eyes caught on a word.

_Star._

“Oh…” Renjun stopped mid scrolling, going back to the beginning of the sentence. “What do you think about _Jisung?”_

Ýneg looked down at him, letting out a soft breath. They tested the name on their tongue in a whisper, shoulders relaxing like when they came home after staying too long outside.

“It sounds nice.”

Renjun smiled, getting up and going to sit beside them. They flinched when he got too close and he pulled back, trying to play it cool. 

“One of the meanings is _love of the stars”,_ he said, clearing his throat. “I think it suits you.”

“You think so?”, they whispered, eyes wide, cheeks dusted pink.

It matched them too well, Renjun couldn’t stop looking at them.

“I do.” He nodded, in a trance. “Would you like to be called Jisung?”

They nodded back, enthusiastically.

“Yes.”

Renjun cleared his throat once again, trying to free it from the lump it had grown. It wouldn’t go down.

“You can always change your name again later if you like something else best.”

Their eyes were filled with stars, a good homage to their new name.

“I do not think I will.” They sounded so certain, it made his heart flutter.

“Well, then”, he said, smiling.“Nice to meet you, Jisung.”

Jisung beamed.

“Nice to meet you too, Renjun.”

Mark:

hey listen

taeyong wants to have dinner tonight

ik you have your babysitting gig and that’s why you’ve been blowing him off but he misses you and if you say no one more time i’ll have to steal filbert and marshal and hold them hostage

taeyong knows that you have a roommate, i told him abt ýneg

he said you can bring them along

Renjun:

u wouldn’t dare

Mark:

try me

Renjun:

.

fine

their name is jisung now btw

tell taeyong i miss him too

Mark:

why do i feel like the third wheel

jisung’s a pretty name

Renjun:

oh this is awkward i didn’t mean for u to find out like this :/

jisung says thank you!!

Mark:

omg fuck you

taeyong was reading over my shoulder and he said the same thing i hate it here

Renjun:

:D

“Oh, god, you’re tall”, was the first thing Mark said when he opened the door for Renjun and Jisung that evening.

Renjun rolled his eyes, letting Jisung try to hide behind him, despite the fact that they were, indeed, tall, and Renjun was too short to shield all of them. It was precious how they tried to make themselves smaller, looking over his shoulder in curiosity.

This was Jisung’s first actual contact with someone that wasn’t him and despite the hiding, they seemed to be doing a lot better than that first day.

“You’re scaring them”, he said, swatting lightly at Mark’s arm.

Jisung let out a noise of complaint, straightening their back to show that they weren’t scared at all, thank you very much. Renjun smiled while Mark made a face at him.

“Jisung, this is Mark. Mark, you know Jisung.”

“Nice to meet you”, Jisung said in a small voice, fidgeting with the hem of their shirt with one hand. They reached out to Renjun’s hand with their other one but gave up halfway. Renjun frowned, biting the inside of his cheek.

Mark beamed at them and he could see them relax significantly. “Nice to meet you too!”

Renjun let out a relieved sigh when Jisung smiled back at Mark. It was a huge progress from the scaredy cat Jisung used to be, cowering and scared of everything. They were still wary of course, and they liked sticking close to him. Just to make sure. But Jisung was indeed curious, they liked exploring and learning new things, seeing new places. Not so much meeting new people, their examples coming from movies and tv shows alike, but just because they were terribly bad at pretending to be human.

They tried, and they were learning. He couldn’t ask anymore of them.

“Don’t just stand there, come in!”, Mark said, gesturing for the two of them to follow him.

Jisung looked at Renjun, waiting for him to make the first move, so Renjun smiled at them, walking into Mark’s apartment, putting out his hand behind his back, just in case. Jisung followed him at a respectful distance.

Renjun bit his lip, ignoring the burn in his ears.

Mark and Taeyong’s apartment was very different from his own, a lot more cozy and homey. There were plants and pictures all around, their long haired cat lazing up on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket. She raised her head to assess them before deciding they didn’t deserve her attention and going back to sleep, purring when Mark scratched behind her ear on the way to the kitchen.

Renjun followed him, looking out of the corner of his eye to make sure Jisung was following too. Taeyong, who had been cooking, turned to them, smiling when he saw the two tailing Mark in.

“Injunie!”, he said, putting the pans away to pull Renjun into a hug.

A yelp left his lips as he fell into Taeyong’s arms, but it didn’t take him half a second to melt into it. He raised his hands to lace them behind Taeyong’s back, sighing.

Renjun and Taeyong had a weird friendship - one where Taeyong was Renjun’s best friend’s boyfriend and they didn’t really talk that often, but when they met it was like they were family, picking it up from where they left it.

He told Taeyong things he never told anyone else.

“Hi, hyung”, he said, letting Taeyong fuss over him for a few moments. It had been a while since he wasn’t the one fussing over himself. “Alright, alright.” Renjun laughed, pulling away. “Here, this is Jisung. My, uh..., roommate.”

Jisung’s eyes widened at being in the spotlight, looking at Renjun, then at Taeyong. They bowed slightly, awkwardly, opening their mouth to greet him, but Taeyong was faster.

“Oh, hi!”, he said, smiling. “Yes, Mark told me about you. You fell on Injunie’s roof, right? That must’ve hurt.”

It got quiet just enough for Renjun to understand what Taeyong was saying. Renjun snapped his head from where he was watching the whole scene to look at Mark and his wide eyes.

“You told Taeyong _everything?”_

Mark shrugged, a sheepish smile on his face.

“I can’t keep secrets from him.”

That made Taeyong smile, turning his attention away from Jisung to Mark, the fondest look in his face. They were so sweet it was almost sickening. Renjun rolled his eyes, tsking.

“Fair, I guess.”

He didn’t really mind. At least this way, he wouldn’t have to be the one to explain when Jisung ended up doing something weird, like trying to eat soap. It happened once, Renjun wouldn’t put it past happening again.

“All intergalactic species are welcome”, Taeyong said, like that wasn’t the weirdest shit to happen to him, turning back to what he was cooking. It smelled good but Renjun couldn’t recognize it. “I’m pretty sure Gertrudes came from another planet as well.”

Gertrudes was their cat.

“She’s not an alien”, Mark interrupted, jumping to sit on the counter. “She’s a cat as punishment because she killed her husband in her past life, we’ve talked about this.”

Renjun looked at Jisung. He was used to Mark and Taeyong’s weird musings, but Jisung seemed absolutely confused, biting the inside of their cheek as they turned to look back at him.

They leaned down to whisper in his ear. “If their cat is from another planet, she is not from one I visited before.”

Blinking, he thought about the implications of telling Mark and Taeyong that.

“They don’t need to know”, he said, shaking his head.

Taeyong cooked them something fancy. Expected, since Taeyong was a graduate chef and worked in a restaurant a few corners away. It was delicious, but Renjun would probably never eat it again in his life. He couldn’t even pronounce its name.

Wine accompanied their meal, they got drunk a few glasses in. Jisung didn’t like the taste so they stuck to orange juice, watching with wide, curious eyes as Renjun got more and more free. He loved drinking with Taeyong and Mark, they always had something to bicker about, with that fond tone of voice that meant the best part of arguing was hearing the other’s voice.

Something about drunk third wheeling his friends hit differently, stroked the empty space inside of him and made it bigger.

They put on music and danced, singing along to the lyrics. The three of them held hands, pulling Jisung to close the circle and jump around the living room with them. It was the first time Renjun saw Jisung actually laugh, open and loud and free. His heart ached in his chest and he couldn’t stop looking at them.

He stumbled on his own feet, letting go of Taeyong and Jisung to not bring them down with him as he fell on the couch, spooking Gertrudes into jumping off and hissing at him.

“Oh, God, are you okay?”, Taeyong asked.

Renjun closed his eyes, heart in his throat, Jisung’s smile in his eyelids. “I’m fine.”

When he opened them again, the room was spinning. The others looked at him, worried, his eyes jumping from Taeyong, to Mark, to Jisung, and staying locked into their furrowed brows and wide eyes, lips slightly parted in surprise. He liked it better when they were happy.

“I think it’s been enough”, Mark said, turning off the music. “It’s late, you two should stay.”

Renjun sighed as Taeyong patted his hair. “I’m fine, really, I didn’t drink that much.”

He hadn’t, but his tolerance level was never that high, so when he tried to stand up he lost balance and fell right back on the couch. Jisung was by his side in seconds, flexing their hands like they wanted to help but didn’t know how, so Renjun raised his hand to hold theirs. They flinched but didn’t let go.

“Nonsense. You can’t even stand, you’d never be able to navigate around like this and Jisung doesn’t know the city, so for their sake and ours…”, Taeyong said, wrapping an arm around his waist and helping him up. “Stay.”

“Fine”, Renjun mumbled, tightening his hold on Jisung’s hand so they wouldn’t leave.

Maybe he drank more than he thought. He would be so embarrassed when he woke up, but for now he appreciated the warmth and the care, soaking on it.

Taeyong took him to the guest room, helped him into the bed and left to get pillows and blankets. Jisung stood by his side, still holding his hand, in silence, until Mark came in with water and an aspirin, Taeyong right behind him with everything he needed.

“Are you guys okay sleeping together?”, Mark asked, stopping by the door with Taeyong.

Renjun hummed, nodding despite Jisung’s wide eyes. It would be the first time. Back in their apartment, Jisung stayed in what used to be his mom’s room, right across his own. He wouldn’t make them sleep on the couch when Taeyong and Mark’s guest room had a perfectly good queen bed.

“Alright then”, Mark went on, “Good night. If either of you need anything, we’re in our room.”

They both left after their goodnights, and then it was silent. Renjun finally let go of Jisung to fix the pillows and open the blanket over the bed, eyes shut closed, going through the motions by sheer practice.

He heard Jisung shuffling around, sniffling. “Turn off the light, please.”

The light he could see through his eyelids dimmed and he hummed a thank you, lying back on the mattress. It took a couple of minutes before he heard Jisung walking around the bed, and felt the mattress dip on the other side.

Around half an hour later, Renjun grew too restless to sleep. Opening his eyes to the dark, until they got used to it and he could see Jisung lying on their back beside him, staring at the ceiling, as close to the edge as they could be without falling off the bed. Renjun swallowed around the lump that formed in his throat.

“Jisung?”, he whispered.

Renjun watched them blink before turning to look at him. In the dark, their eyes were as blue as their hair.

“Do I make you uncomfortable?”, he asked, keeping his voice low. He didn’t mean to but he couldn’t stop his tongue.

Jisung’s lips parted in surprise. It was dumb, but the feeling wouldn’t leave him alone. Jisung kept their distance, which was totally fair, but for how open they were, all they told him, they closed another part of their relationship. And Renjun would never mind if they didn’t want to be touched, but it seemed like they didn’t want to be touched by him, personally.

They were wary of everything, flinching away when they weren’t sure of something, but he watched them with Mark and Taeyong, and the way once Jisung realised they were fine, they’d let them mess their hair and put their arms around their shoulders.

And it was fine. It was fine.

“Of course not”, they said, matching his tone, turning on the bed so they could face him.

They didn’t sound like they were lying. Renjun felt stupid, lowering his head. He wanted to just take their word for it, drop it, go to sleep, but he knew it wouldn’t stop bothering him so easily.

“You flinch everytime I touch you.”

Jisung blinked, momentaneously holding their breath before letting it go in a shaky, “Oh.”

“It’s okay”, Renjun said, waving it off, “Like, if you don’t want me to, it’s okay.”

Jisung reached out to take his hand and he was the one to flinch this time, not expecting it but still letting them envelop his hand in their own. They caressed his knuckles with their thumb, watching the movement for a while before sighing.

“This is my fault”, they said.

Renjun frowned, too drunk to understand them. “What is?”

They motioned to his hand and he looked down at it, at the blue bruise still adorning his skin. Bright like Jisung’s eyes and hair. He swallowed, but his mouth was dry.

“That’s not just a bruise, is it?”, he asked.

Jisung’s eyes were all knowing, filled with wisdom, like they had lived a thousand lives and Renjun had known them all. Comforting like coming home, new like being born again. Jisung shuffled away from the edge of the bed, closer to him, intertwined hands falling on the mattress between their bodies. They nuzzled against his hair.

“You make me feel safe.”

If the room wasn’t so terribly quiet, Renjun wouldn’t have heard them. He closed his stinging eyes, pulling on their hands so they’d rest against his chest.

The nickname thing started a few days later. Renjun wasn’t expecting it. 

It was a quiet afternoon, the cartoons that Jisung liked to watch playing on the TV. He was sitting on the couch, drawing in a sketchbook he leaned against the armrest, every once in a while getting distracted by watching Filbert and Marshal run in their cage. Jisung had laundry duty so they were walking around the house, looking for stray clothes that needed washing.

They were humming along to a song from the cartoon when, _“Elin nín,_ did you see my blue sweater?”

Renjun startled, brain looking over the unknown words when he realised he was _wearing_ said blue sweater. The embarrassment overpowered his confusion.

“Uhn…”, he mumbled. “Yeah?”

Jisung peeked through the hallway, only half of their face in the living room. They looked at him, expecting him to tell them where but Renjun didn’t have anything to say. He just stared back.

It took them half a second to notice.

“Oh. Well, it does not need to be washed right in this instant.”

Renjun shot them a thankful smile, as they went back to what they were doing. It was only then his brain caught up to what Jisung had called him.

Not to say that he was fluent in Sindarin but Jisung had been teaching him a few things. Mostly swear words, he admits. He couldn’t recognize what they had said. Renjun opened his mouth to ask but gave up halfway, biting the inside of his cheeks to keep the words in.

It couldn’t have been anything bad, right? It sounded affectionate, so maybe… Well. Hope was a cruel thing.

He let it be.

It was just the first time. Jisung was emboldened by his silence. Soon his name was completely overpowered by the nickname, Jisung had no shame in calling him elin nín, in that fond tone of voice, thick with their accent. Renjun had no idea what it meant, wondered if Jisung expected him to. It was confusing, how natural it was to answer to the other language like it was his own.

Things changed after their talk when he was drunk, in Mark and Taeyong’s apartment. Jisung was more open, didn’t hold back anymore when they wanted to touch him for no reason. It was noticeable, especially considering how often they did it.

Like he was a magnet and Jisung just couldn’t stay away. Not that he minded.

Whatever the change was, Renjun didn’t think he needed to know. He didn’t need to know what elin nín meant, didn’t want to know what the blue bruise in his hand meant. At one point he might find out, but he didn’t feel like looking for the answers. If, when, Jisung wanted him to know, they’d tell him. It was all he hoped for.

Another change was their sleeping arrangement.

Jisung was never shy about barging in his room whenever they wanted, which, lately, meant the middle of the night. It started a couple of nights after the visit. The first night he woke up to Jisung standing by the feet of his bed and asking if they could sleep with him. By now, they simply followed him to his room when it was time to sleep.

He didn’t want to ask, afraid they might misinterpret and stop. Scared that if they put a name to it then it’d become real. It shouldn’t be. Whatever it was, it had no place, no space, and it frightened him that if he acknowledged it, he’d miss it when it was gone.

“Do humans fall in love a lot?”, Jisung asked him in the middle of the movie they were watching.

It was a Sunday evening, they had just had dinner sitting on the floor of the living room while they watched _Enchanted._ Renjun introduced Jisung to it a few days ago and it quickly became their favorite, he lost count of how many times they’ve watched it by now.

“Elin nín?”

He hummed. “Hm. Pretty often, I’d say.”

“I see…”

Turning to look at Jisung, he could see the conflicted look on their face. They had never asked about love before. Considering that they loved to watch romcoms, Renjun assumed it was an universal feeling, something that transcended galaxies.

“Edhil people don’t?”, he asked, picking at his nails.

“No.” Jisung let out a soft breath. Renjun’s heart fell to the bottom of his stomach. “Just once.”

“Oh.”

Jisung went on. “It is interesting, watching how different our lives are. Seeing humans fall in love, break up and move on. In Edhil, everyone has a pair, their person. A mark in our heart. We know when it is forever.”

Renjun watched Jisung’s face. The ethereal glow of the TV light in their eyes, their freckles, their unnatural hair. They looked so human, sitting there beside him, cross legged in their pyjamas, but they weren’t. Their body was but a shell, their brain filled with knowledge of worlds beyond, things Renjun would never see, would never know.

No superficial change would ever make them human.

“That’s beautiful”, he forced out, through the lump in his throat.

Jisung smiled softly at him before turning back to the movie, humming along to _That’s How You Know,_ the words etched in their mind. This is what his Sunday evenings had turned into. Tradition and the sinking feeling in his chest, water in his lungs, reluctant acceptance.

No superficial change could ever make Jisung his. 

“Elin nín, where are we going?”, Jisung asked, confused but not really trying to stop Renjun from pulling on their hand.

Progress on the spaceship started slowing down but Jisung never tired of going to the rooftop and working on what they could, be it the ship’s operational system or on Renjun’s garden. They were waiting for a few tools he had ordered online to resume working on it. It was harder than it looked, trying to search for _how to make a space rocket without looking suspicious to the government._ It wasn’t like they could just use the screws he bought on a 20% off sale on Walmart.

Point was, Jisung liked spending time with their spaceship. More so before when Renjun and they weren’t that close yet, but even now, every day for half an hour or so, Jisung would just go to the rooftop to chill.

Renjun wanted them to let loose a little.

“I wanna show you something”, he said, dragging them all the way back to the apartment.

Jisung went with minimal complaint. Renjun made sure they changed into something more comfortable. To match, he changed too, getting out of his binder and into sweatpants and a t-shit that was so large no one would notice.

“Where are we going?”, Jisung whined once again when Renjun took their hand in his and pulled him out of the apartment.

The elevator and Jisung were already intimate friends and they didn’t even flinch when they got into it. He shushed them.

“It’s a surprise, can’t you just wait a bit?”

Jisung pouted, looking like Renjun had just stolen their popsicle. The important part was that they stopped complaining, intertwining their fingers. Renjun ignored the pounding of his heart, the heat in his ears, bouncing in place.

He couldn’t tell if it was excitement or nervousness. Renjun pondered for a long while over whether he should or shouldn’t do this. The feeling to just never go back there was powerful, but he missed it terribly. Dancing in his room just wasn’t the same thing, and no matter how much he’d like to pretend he didn’t, well. Renjun missed his friends. He wasn’t ready to go through the whole ordeal just yet, but maybe he could start small.

And Jisung would be there as his emotional support alien.

Though, he knew Jisung enjoyed dancing. He had caught them on more than one occasion, doing moves he’d never recognize. Jisung told him it was a native dance to his planet, that they taught kids, and thus the idea of taking them to the studio came about.

It was just a few blocks away from the apartment, right around the corner. He pulled on Jisung’s hand when the both of them walked into its street and could finally see the building in the distance. The closer they got, the more Renjun hesitated. He halted them to a stop by the door, staring at the plaque with the studio’s name and realising he didn’t think this through.

It was quiet for a minute before Jisung laced their fingers.

“Elin nín?”

Renjun shook his head, looking at them. Jisung smiled, soft, caressing the back of his hand with their thumb. It was all it took for him to sigh, determined to go with it.

Just his luck, of course, that the room he always practiced in had already been booked.

“Shotaro and Jeno are there”, said Dejun, the receptionist. “You can go in, if you want. To be honest, they’ve been waiting for you.”

He squeezed Jisung’s hand, grimacing. “Thanks.”

Room 8 was the only closed door in the corridor. They could hear the music playing through the wall, a hip hop track he couldn’t recognize, Jeno and Shotaro laughing when one of them messed up the steps. Jisung pulled on his arm.

“Are you okay?”, they asked.

“Yeah.”

They didn’t look convinced.

“Just…” Renjun gestured. “There are things I haven’t told you.”

Something flashed through Jisung’s eyes. He couldn’t recognize it, gone too fast to be fully grasped. They stayed quiet, waiting.

“I’d rather not tell you here”, he whispered, “But, uh, I fought with some of my friends, two of which are behind this door. I guess I just don’t know how to make things right.”

Jisung’s silence was unnerving. Renjun couldn’t help but feel judged, despite the fact Jisung never really had a friend before and was probably as lost as him. The both of them had talked about a lot of things, from dumb 3am musings to childhood stories, yet he never told them that big part of his life was a colateral effect of what happened and what he’d done.

Not that Renjun didn’t trust them, he’d probably trust them with his life. But it had made him feel normal, pretending.

“Take the first step.”

He looked at Jisung, startled at the firm tone of their voice. They smiled, motioning at the door with their head and Renjun sighed, reaching for the handle.

Jeno and Shotaro stopped laughing as soon as the door opened. Both turned to look at who had interrupted them, and if he wasn’t so nervous, maybe he’d laugh at their matching shocked faces.

“Injunie?”, Jeno called, pushing his hair out of his face.

Renjun smiled sheepishly, pulling Jisung into the room and closing the door behind them.

“Hey”, he said, like he hadn’t spent months giving them the cold shoulder. “Is there space for two more?”

All things considered, it was a good evening.

Jeno and Shotaro weren’t mad at him, which made everything about 80% more pleasant. They liked Jisung too, which took care of the other 20%.

Renjun had been scared they’d expect too much from him, but they didn’t even ask any questions, just took him in like he never left. Accepted Renjun’s flimsy excuse about Jisung being his roommate to save on rent. He knew they didn’t believe him, but they didn’t try to get into details. All they did was dance.

They practiced one of their older routines from when Renjun religiously went to the studio every Saturday for Shotaro’s classes. Jisung wasn’t half bad, they picked up after them as easily as someone who didn’t dance a lot could. They seemed to be having fun, always curious, copying their moves, watching them with eyes full of wonder. Renjun wore them down, tried to teach them basic ballet moves and laughed when they stumbled after a _plié_.

They weren’t deterred and kept up with him the best they could.

When the two of them were leaving to go home, though, Shotaro stopped him.

“I know you’re not ready to come back to us”, he said, “It’s okay, we really don’t mind waiting, I just wanted to say that when you’re ready, we’ll be here. We’ll always be here.”

He dashed out of there as soon as he could without looking rude, without letting them know he took it to heart, thankful and relieved that they weren’t going to get tired of waiting for him.

They got home and Renjun let Jisung go into the shower first, adrenaline still pumping in his veins so he made use of that to make dinner. When Jisung finished and he got to be under a good cold shower, he felt all his energy leaving down the drain with the water, eyes growing heavy.

It was a miracle he managed to finish his shower and not drown.

He and Jisung ate dinner in silence, it was obvious they were also tired but were fighting it off to eat with him. Renjun took pity on them and left the dishes in the sink for future him, and the two of them locked the door, turned off the lights and went to bed.

Renjun was almost falling over when the question came.

“Will you tell me now?” Jisung’s voice was low and mumbled, so close to his ear that it made him shiver.

He hummed, eyes closed, patting the bed until he found Jisung, pulling them to lay their head on his chest. The new added weight grounded him, was comforting.

“Almost two years ago”, he said, “My mom passed away. She was the only family I had.”

Renjun felt Jisung tense up and raised his hand to play with their hair. He didn’t want condolences from them, didn’t even need for them to say anything. Just their presence was more than enough.

“I was wrong, of course, because I had my friends and they were like family to me too” He yawned. “But I couldn’t see that, losing my mom broke me. And so I pushed them away. A few of them, like Jeno and Shotaro, and also Jaemin and Yangyang, realized that I felt like I needed space and so they let me. But I had a close friend, Donghyuck, and he wouldn’t leave me. So I picked up a fight with him, a week after my mom’s funeral. He was only trying to help me, but I couldn’t feel anything. I was numb, trying to find a way to feel something again, even if it was at the expense of my friendship.”

It was so ridiculous. Renjun felt like a child whenever he remembered what he had done, how disrespectful was it to his mom’s image, that her son couldn’t even mourn her properly.

“I also tried to pick a fight with Mark but he refused it every time. He saw right through me”, he said. “I’m glad. I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

Only silence followed. Jisung’s breath was even, in a rhythmic rise and fall. They fell asleep.

Renjun nuzzled his face against Jisung’s hair, smelling of his coconut shampoo and conditioner. It matched them for some reason, he thought, mind mumbled and all over the place, sleep begging to take over.

“Now you have me too”, Jisung whispered, squeezing their arms around his waist.

Renjun smiled, laying a soft, barely there kiss on the crown of their head before falling under. 

A few weeks later, Jisung finished working on their spaceship.

He wasn’t sure how to feel about that. 

Renjun was late. 

He rushed through the streets, backpack thrown carelessly over his shoulder. It was a little after midday and classes had just ended, though a little later than he anticipated. It was what he got for setting the meeting so soon after his classes were done.

He got his phone from his jeans pocket, checking the time and if Chenle had sent him a message. He hadn’t but Jisung had. A picture of Filbert and Marshal sleeping side by side. Renjun smiled, sending back a heart. They had made lots of progress in their relationship with his guinea pigs. It made him proud.

With the coffee shop in sight, he made a run for it. It was emptier than Renjun thought it’d be and he found Chenle easily, sitting by a table in the middle of the shop. A tall waiter was giving him his order, blushing at whatever Chenle was telling him.

“Hey”, Renjun said, getting to the table. “Sorry, class ran later than I thought”

“Oh, hey! It’s cool.” Chenle waved him off, motioning to the waiter. “Do you want anything?”

Renjun looked at him, catching sight of the name tag in his uniform. _Xuxi :D._ He smiled at him and Renjun smiled back. "Uh. A hot chocolate?"

"Coming right up!", Xuxi said, looking back at Chenle while leaving.

Chenle winked at them, beaming when Xuxi blushed.

Renjun shook his head, taking off his coat and draping it on the back of his chair before sitting down. His phone rang and he checked on Jisung's newest message, a picture of the sky from their rooftop.

_Pretty,_ he sent back.

"So when are you free?", Renjun asked, putting his phone away.

Chenle snorted. "Right at it, aren't we?"

His ears burned.

"Well, why wait?", he mumbled, embarrassed.

He and Chenle weren't friends. In fact, before his teacher assigned Chenle to be his model in the last assignment for the semester, Renjun had never heard of him before. Mark would probably chastise him for it. Chenle was famous around campus, apparently.

With a basketball scholarship, a dad that owned a few hotels, at least half college in love with him (and his boyfriend), Zhong Chenle was hard to miss.

And yet.

His social skills were rusty, Renjun was not afraid to admit. He didn't think he and Chenle would have anything in common anyway.

"That's fair", Chenle said. "Most of my classes are in the morning and I have practice three times a week in the afternoon but that's about it." He startled. "Ah, and Fridays are reserved for my boyfriend."

Renjun smiled. "That's fine. I don't have any afternoon classes so whenever you're free it's okay."

"Cool! So, Mondays and Wednesdays."

He nodded.

It was quiet for a while. Chenle was observing Xuxi work and Renjun fidgeted with his phone case. He didn't know what to say, was never that good at making small talk. All the friends he has and used to have were definitely not acquired by his nonexistent charm.

He unlocked his phone, scrolling mindlessly through his social media for a while before locking it again.

"Why are we waiting?", Chenle asked, taking note of his awkwardness.

Renjun startled. "Excuse me?"

Chenle shrugged, folding a napkin into a small boat. Impressive how easy he made it seem.

"Like, we're both free right now, right? We could start it already."

"Oh, right.” That didn’t sound like a bad idea. “That's fine."

"Cool. Let's go!" Chenle wasted no time in gathering his things and getting up, taking the small origami boat with him. Renjun watched him go up to the counter while he put his coat back on, slipping the folded paper into Xuxi’s hand.

"Babe, make that to go please."

Chenle went all the way to his apartment talking about his boyfriend. Renjun wasn't sure he realised he was doing it, but it was cute. His eyes softened, his face lit up, lips curled into a small smile.

Renjun tried to match his enthusiasm by talking about Jisung.

Since they were going to the studio in his place to work, he thought he should warn Chenle that he had a roommate. As they were leaving the coffee shop, Renjun took out his phone to do the same for Jisung, sending them a small message along with a compliment for the latest picture Jisung had sent him. They were into photography lately, but all they had was their phone and him, Mark and Taeyong to send their pictures to.

He was thinking about getting them a camera but he had to plan around that.

Jisung didn't answer him but he didn't think anything of it, pocketing his phone and showing Chenle the way to his place. Turned out, Renjun really didn't have a lot in common with Chenle, but they got along well, their humors matched. It was fun bickering with him.

They got to his apartment without even realising. Jisung was nowhere to be seen but Filbert and Marshal started wheeking as soon as he opened the door.

“Cute, you have guinea pigs!”, Chenle said, going straight to the cage. “They’re adorable.”

Renjun smiled, proud of his kids.

“Thank you! The fuzzy white one is Marshal, and the black and white with swirls is Filbert.”

“Animal Crossing!” Chenle laughed. “I love it.”

“Elin nín?”

He turned to the hallway, finding Jisung standing by their room door. They seemed to have just woken up from a nap, hair tousled and all over the place. Renjun smiled at them and they beamed, until they noticed Chenle and a frown settled into their face.

“Hi! I sent you a message but I guess you didn’t see it”, he said, “This is Chenle, he’ll be my model for an assignment.”

Jisung looked from Chenle to him, then to Chenle again, frown made more noticeable while they watched him scratch behind Filbert’s ear.

“Nice to meet you!”, Chenle said, not noticing, or just ignoring, the way Jisung glared at him.

It was weird to see them like this. Renjun didn’t really understand what was happening, his bruise itching so bad he couldn’t help scratching at it. He raised an eyebrow at Jisung, motioning for them to be polite and answer.

Jisung blinked. “You too.”

An awkward silence took over. Renjun coughed.

“Well, we’ll be in the studio, okay?” He posed it like a question but it was more of a statement. Jisung nodded anyway, going to sit on the couch, but Renjun noticed their eyes trained on Chenle playing with the piggies.

He cocked his head, turning to Chenle. “Let’s go.”

Chenle waved to Jisung as he followed him inside.

Renjun couldn’t be more grateful that his professor chose Chenle for him. He was super creative, bouncing around ideas with him as he thought of what he wanted to do for his assignment. Some were just plain ridiculous and he couldn’t help laughing, but even then there was some sort of sense into what they came up with. Working with Chenle was a delight.

They had a lot of fun. So much, he forgot about the weird atmosphere and how wary and suspicious Jisung had been of Chenle. He supposed it made sense, since they didn’t know he was bringing a guest and Renjun had never mentioned him before.

Jisung kept quiet, he didn’t even hear the TV on or heard the door opening, telltale that they’d gone up to the roof to work on their ship. It was odd but he didn’t dwell on it, sketching his and Chenle’s best ideas, making up scenarios around what his professor had asked of him.

His bruise itched the entire time.

It was two hours later that Chenle’s phone rang with his boyfriend calling him.

“Baby?”, he said, eyes shiny. “Already done?”

Renjun smiled, feeling like he was intruding so he turned to the sketchbook he was drawing in, doodling a few hearts in the corner.

“Okay then. I’ll be going now. Bye, love.” Chenle hung up, smiling sheepishly at him. “Guess I have to go.”

“I’ll walk you to the door”, Renjun said, putting his pencil and sketchbook aside. “Thank you so much for helping.”

Chenle waved him off. “It was fun!”

They went for the door. Renjun didn’t expect to find Jisung right on the other side when he opened it. “Hey.”

Jisung cleared their throat, an uncomfortable look in their face.

“I was going to ask if you were hungry.”

His heart softened. They weren’t the best cook but they had gotten a lot better with his help, enough to make some simple dishes when Renjun took too long to come home. It was very sweet of them to ask.

“I’m leaving, but thanks”, Chenle said, smiling at them.

Renjun patted their arm. “I’ll see Chenle out and we can eat together.”

Jisung nodded, ears red, making way for the two of them to get through the hallway, the living room and to the door. Renjun and Chenle said their goodbyes, and he waited until Chenle disappeared down the flight of stairs to go back inside.

Jisung was standing near the piggies cage, watching as Marshal drank from the water bottle and Filbert tried to salvage the last bit of the afternoon cucumber. Renjun didn’t understand what they were going through at that moment, that made them try to reach out to pet Filbert before stopping halfway. They had gotten better at being near the two but never did they try to touch them before.

“Sung?”, he called, “Are you okay?”

They blinked, turning to look at him. “I feel weird.”

Renjun frowned, walking up to them, something heavy settling in the bottom of his stomach, cold seeping down his spine. He had never heard Jisung sound so defeated before.

“Does it hurt anywhere?”, he asked, gently, reaching out his hand to touch them but they stepped back. It was like a punch in the gut, sucking the air from his lungs. When he spoke, his voice trembled. “Sungie?”

“Here.” Jisung pointed to their chest, eyes sparkling with stars or tears. “Hurts here.”

He was restless, not being able to touch them and see for himself. “Baby…”

The term of endearment came out without him meaning to. Jisung flinched like they’d been burnt, raising both hands to press the heels against their eyelids.

“Do not call me that”, they said, sounding so pained, Renjun felt it in his core. 

He couldn’t understand, didn’t know what had brought this on, what was happening for Jisung to act like this. Whatever it was, he wanted nothing more than to pull them into his arms and make it all better, steal their hurt and lock it inside his own heart so it couldn’t get to them anymore.

“Sung.” He tried once more.

Jisung wouldn’t listen to him.

“I do not want to feel like this.” 

His hands were shaking as he fisted the hem of his shirt, to keep from reaching out again. Heart heavy and dark, eyes stinging as he watched Jisung sob and break.

“Like what?”, Renjun whispered, though he felt like he already knew.

They didn’t answer him. 

Renjun:

hey can we talk?

i need my best friend

Mark:

oh junnie, of course

do you wanna come over?

taeyong made cookies earlier today

Renjun:

that would be really nice :(

Mark:

our door’s open for you always

“Something happened with Jisung”, Renjun said, wrapped up in a blanket in Taeyong and Mark’s couch, the plate with cookies on his lap. “They’re not talking to me.”

They were each by one of his sides, both lying against his shoulders and letting him just feel the warmth of their presence, not looking at him because they knew he would feel embarrassed. Being open and honest when he wasn’t feeling his best was almost impossible for him. The words got stuck in his throat, squeezing, refusing to come out. Only his mom could get him to talk, and he didn’t have her anymore.

“Did you guys fight?”, Taeyong asked, softly, lacing his arm with Renjun’s.

“No?”, it came out as a question, “I don’t think so? I don’t know. They just… Started acting really weird when Chenle came over.”

“Your model?”

“Yeah.” He sighed. “They said they felt weird, and their chest hurt, and they didn’t want to feel like this. I don’t know what happened. They sounded so in pain, I just wanted to make it stop.”

Renjun remembered the aftermath, the words spilling from his mouth like blood. Nothing he said got a reaction from Jisung. It was like they were in two completely different worlds, couldn’t hear each other even if they shouted. There was only silence. There had been silence ever since.

Mark’s hand found his, intertwining their fingers. “You said they looked at Chenle like he was a threat.”

“Like they wanted to pounce him”, he said, “But also like they were scared of him.”

Taeyong hummed.

“Don’t you think they were jealous?”

He frowned. “Of what?”

“Of _you”,_ Mark said. “You said they were outside the door when Chenle called his boyfriend baby and love. They couldn’t have known he was talking on the phone.”

“How does that matter?”

Mark sighed. “You’ve got to be blind if you don’t see the way Jisung looks at you.”

It was hard to breathe, suddenly. He felt claustrophobic in his own skin, too constricting for his lungs.

“Don’t say that”, he choked out. “It’s not true.”

“Renjun-”

“No.”

He didn’t know who he was trying to convince. Taeyong squeezed his arm while Mark let out another sigh, playing with his fingers.

It couldn’t be. Jisung said it themselves, Edhil people only fell in love once. It didn’t… It couldn’t have been him. They were leaving - they wanted to leave, were happy to finish working on their spaceship. The galaxy was vast and Jisung had so many places to see.

Why would they want to stay here with him?

“I just don’t want to lose them.” Renjun gulped, eyes burning with unshed tears. “Before I lose them.”

The only time he got to pretend everything was okay was during the night. Jisung didn’t talk anymore, in general, but they still crawled into bed with him, though they stayed as far away from him as possible, refusing to touch. It felt like all the progress they had made in their relationship was for nothing, worthless, pointless. When he woke up, they were still asleep. When he went to bed, Jisung waited until they were sure he'd fallen asleep to follow him.

It broke him down.

Made him realise all the effort he put into making this work, all aspects of his life he molded to fit Jisung. The gap they were going to leave behind when they left him behind.

How easy was it to get used to having someone there. So easy to poke holes into his soul to fit another, to get used to shared spaces and the company. Now he would have to lose it all over again, go back to talking to himself and to Filbert and Marshal, loneliness following behind like an old friend, unforgiving.

Was this all that was left for him? After all he’d done? Walls he tore apart, secrets told in the dark, weight he tried to carry on his own? Boiling in his veins was all the anger he felt and contained. He didn’t know who he was angry at.

Renjun stomped to the living room, seeing Jisung sitting on the couch, the TV on _Enchanted._ It was the ball scene. He unplugged it from the wall, satisfied by their small gasp.

“Can you stop ignoring me?”

Jisung’s eyes were wide but looked right through him. Like Renjun was some hallucination they could will away or pretend it wasn’t there.

He swallowed around the lump in his throat, clenching his jaw. “Jisung.”

They turned their head down, to their hands playing with the hem of their shirt. The damn alien shirt.

_“Jisung!”_ , he shouted, eyes burning, angry tears streaming down his face. His scream spooked the piggies into hiding and he could see the exact moment Jisung stopped breathing. “Fucking look at me!”

His heart was beating so fast in his throat, was all he could hear, rib cage squeezing his lungs. Jisung looked at him through their blue fringe, eyes teary, wide and scared. Renjun never wanted to see this look on them, never wanted to be the cause of it. He couldn’t keep his anger, letting it melt away with his tears, falling down to his knees besides the couch.

“Tell me what’s wrong”, he begged, voice rough and broken.

Jisung shook their head, a tear dripping from their chin to their hand, whispering a small, soft, “No.”

Renjun let out a shaky breath.

“Jisung…”

“Renjun”, they interrupted him and his name in Jisung’s voice felt like a punch in the gut when it should’ve been holy. No more elin nín, he was just Renjun now. “Humans fall in love a lot.”

_We know when it is forever._

“That doesn’t mean there isn’t a choice”, Renjun whispered.

Jisung wouldn’t budge. They shook their head once again, turning to stare at their lap, hair falling into their eyes and covering their face, blocking him out. He couldn’t fight if Jisung wasn’t willing to fight with him.

So he gave up.

The whole thing was a nightmare. Jisung stopped sleeping in his bed and it felt as empty as the hole inside his heart. He supposed it was for the best. With their spaceship ready and done, there was nothing holding them there anymore, Jisung was free to go whenever they wanted. And yet they stayed.

Renjun moved his meetings with Chenle to the college’s art room. Whatever had happened with Jisung, happened after they met Chenle so he didn’t want to make things harder for them. No matter how stubborn they were, that was still their home and Renjun didn’t want for them to feel uncomfortable where they were supposed to feel safe.

The two of them became quick friends over the course of his assignment. Or, he should say, Chenle latched onto him and he couldn’t get rid of him anymore. He was a good distraction, Renjun liked that he never asked or took too much, he was just there for easy communication, and if Renjun felt like sharing, he’d listen. He got closer to Chenle’s boyfriend, as well. Xuxi often gave them free snacks when they went to the coffee shop after working on his project.

It was nice. Helped him forget and pretend everything else in his life wasn’t falling apart. They were all he had lately.

With everything that happened, Jisung looked for Mark and Taeyong for comfort, and in a sense Renjun was glad. At least they had them, they had someone he knew would help them, would take care of them. But at the same time, he felt if he tried to ask them for help, Jisung might not be as comfortable talking to them anymore, and the last thing he wanted was for Jisung to be alone.

Now Mark and Taeyong were all they had and Renjun didn’t want to take that away from them. But Chenle and Xuxi didn’t _know_. He couldn’t tell them without sounding insane. He said what he could, and they helped to the best of their abilities. For anything else, he was on his own.

And it sucked. He felt restless. He was so used to the back and forth, the talking and having someone there to listen, he didn’t want to go back to being alone. It took him a while, but Renjun finally made up his mind.

  
Renjun:

hey, taro

i think i'm ready now

Shotaro:

Jun!! :D

That makes me super happy

I’m proud of you!

Dw i’ll talk to the boys and we’ll set up a date

Renjun:

thank u so much

<3

Shotaro:

Np!!

I missed you

Renjun:

i missed u too

Renjun paced back and forth in front of his old friends’ apartment, thoughts mumbled and like jelly. There was no more running away. He had to fix what he started.

It was surprisingly easy, to stop and knock on the door, waiting for them to open. It felt familiar. Muscle memory. He’d done it a thousand times by now, had been through this often in his dreams. It took a minute or so for Shotaro to open the door, beaming at him.

“Hi!”, he said, “No roommate this time?”

Renjun shook his head. “No.”

“Too bad. Come in!”

Shotaro’s apartment was big, had to be to fit four people comfortably. It was probably three sizes his own place, with a modern, minimalistic aesthetic that they never managed to keep. They were all too messy for it.

The other three roommates and Jeno were waiting in the living room. He hadn’t expected to see Jeno there as well but maybe he should have. Shotaro and him were basically a package deal. The TV was on Mario Kart, Yangyang and Donghyuck going at each other's throats sitting on the floor. Jaemin sat on the couch, legs open to accommodate Donghyuck between them, playing with his hair. So today was an _on_ day, it seemed.

Jeno looked up from the book he was reading, smiling at him. “Hi, Renjun!”

That was all it took. Donghyuck got distracted just enough for Yangyang to gain the upper hand and it quickly escalated. Not that Donghyuck minded losing to Yangyang.

“Hi”, he said, voice small. He followed Shotaro to the couch, sitting beside him and as far away from the others as he possibly could.

It was quiet for a while, the only sound being Donghyuck’s soft cursing Yangyang’s whole family. Yangyang snickered while the two turned off the console, giving their utmost attention to the situation at hand.

Renjun hated being at the center of the spotlight, having to be the one to make the first move, the first to say something. He wished they’d yell at him. At least this way it would’ve been easier to defend himself. Now he had nothing, not even what was left of his pride.

“I’m sorry”, he said, throat closing in. “I shouldn’t have pushed you guys away when all you did was try to make me feel better. That was shitty of me. I don’t have any excuses, my mom passing fucked me up but I knew exactly what I was doing when I fought you guys, and I did it on purpose. I regret it and I wish I could take it back but…”

Renjun gestured around uselessly.

“It is what it is. I just came to apologize, because you guys deserve it. And I miss you.” He cleared his throat. “And it’s been lonely. I know it’s fucked to come around because I need someone, I’m not expecting anything, I just. I don’t know. I’m just sorry.”

What a mess. After he started talking, it was easier to spill it all then to force his mouth shut again. Whenever Renjun thought about the whole situation, there were a lot of little things he wanted to apologize for, but going through with it, everything escaped his mind. It was just a big blank canvas he wished to paint over, make something pretty out of his ruins.

They deserved a better apology, especially after dealing with all of his bullshit. Renjun didn’t have the words for it.

He couldn’t look at them.

“What happened to you?”, Donghyuck asked. It wasn’t supposed to sound mean, he knew, but it felt like a punch at the top of his stomach. “You look like shit, Injun.”

He sighed. “That’s not part of the apology.”

“Fuck your apology”, Donghyuck said. “You were mourning. _We_ should’ve done better. We all said things we regret so we don’t have to dwell on it. I missed you too.”

Renjun finally raised his head, saw the way they were all looking at him and felt the weight being taken off his shoulders. He knew they were going to be alright. Shotaro reached out to pat his knee, smiling softly at him.

“Well, I feel like shit”, he said, holding out his hand for Shotaro to take. It felt nice being able to do that again. “And I’d love to complain to you guys, but it’s been ages and I’d like to know what you’ve been up to first.”

The boys laughed, the heavy atmosphere leaving with their breath. Yangyang turned on Mario Kart again and Jaemin took Donghyuck’s turn. It was like nothing had ever changed, like they lost no time at all. They played while they told him what he’d missed. Jeno got a cat. Shotaro had an obvious crush on him. Donghyuck and Jaemin left their on-off days behind for exclusivity. Yangyang looked incredibly uncomfortable when they said that. Mark had been feeding them information regarding Renjun’s wellbeing via text messages.

That didn’t surprise him or made him as weirded out as it should have. Mark and Donghyuck were, in fact, childhood best friends.

So it also didn’t surprise him at all that they knew about Jisung.

“I’ll have to kill Mark”, Renjun said, pressing his knuckles against his temples. “I’ll just have to.”

“Stop being dramatic”, Jeno said, kindly. “And tell us what happened.”

“Mark didn’t actually tell us everything.” Yangyang had the audacity of sounding disappointed.

Donghyuck raised his hand. “But just to get it out there, I’ll only believe Jisung is an alien when I see them with my own eyes.”

Jaemin kissed the top of his head.

“Sunshine, they look like a human”, he said, amused.

Donghyuk gave him a smug look. “My point exactly.”

“Shush!”, Shotaro said. “Let Renjun speak.”

Renjun spoke. Told them everything from the beginning, fact checking whatever it was Mark told them. They asked a lot of questions, raised points he hadn’t thought about before. It was physically painful to tell them about the fight, but he braved through it, Shotaro’s hand in his the entire time.

“It does sound like they were jealous”, Jaemin said when he was done, playing with Donghyuck’s ear. It didn’t look like he noticed what he was doing, but Renjun wasn’t the only one, catching Yangyang’s eyes and the face he’d made.

“They weren’t”, he mumbled.

The boys ignored him.

“I mean, Jisung said their people only fall in love once”, Jeno started, his conspiracy theory voice on. “The bruise on your hand is the color of their hair. It sounds like a mark to me. _A mark in our hearts._ They were trying to tell you!”

“Jeno, shut up.”

Jeno blew him a raspberry. “You wanna kiss me so bad.”

“Listen”, Donghyuck interrupted them. “Hypothetically, okay? Hypothetically, they’re in love with you. You’re the one for them. Doesn’t it make sense? The mark on your hand, the jealousy, them flinching when you touch them, the nickname. _You_ make them feel safe. That’s not hypothetical, they literally told you that.”

“Me and Jeno met them and let me tell you, Jun, Jisung does look at you like you hung the moon or something”, Shotaro said.

Renjun sighed. “Why wouldn’t they tell me, though? I asked. I begged, actually.”

“Put yourself in their shoes”, Yangyang said. “You’re on a planet that’s not your own, you’re dependent on this boy and he’s the love of your life. They probably think they’re a burden to you, that you don’t feel the same, because humans fall in love often. Wouldn’t that make it worse? Would _you_ say something?”

Renjun didn’t know what he’d do.

“I don’t like those hypothetical questions.”

Donghyuck hummed. “Maybe you should consider that it might not be hypothetical.”

Renjun went to the rooftop instead of going home.

Unsurprisingly, it was empty. The spaceship was covered with a big blanket, undisturbed, a fine layer of dust settling on it. Jisung hadn’t tinkered with it today, despite the fact he knew they’d been to the rooftop, since his plants were all watered. They weren’t the type to pass up an opportunity to keep their hands busy.

He sighed, pulling on the cover to reveal the machine. She was beautiful, iridescent, shiny from being polished, had the format of an arrow, just big enough for two people, at most. Considering that Jisung’s form was but a shell, it made sense they didn’t need that much space. He pulled the door open, propping himself up to manage to fit into the ship.

The panel was written in Sindarin, Renjun could only read a few words. Out the front visor, the whole sky was visible, stars shining just for him. What a view. He could only imagine how magnificent it’d be from out of the Earth’s atmosphere.

It was understandable why Jisung would spend most of their time here, living amongst the stars when they weren’t exploring a planet or another. It wasn’t a hard choice to make.

Renjun sighed, eyes falling in the book by the dashboard. It was a dictionary. He blinked, getting it and feeling it’s weight. Heavy. Flipping through the pages, looking for words he would recognize, his eyes caught a familiar one. Elin. It meant star.

With his heart pounding, Renjun let out a shaky breath, looking for the one other word that composed the nickname Jisung had given him.

Nín, nín, nín. He looked over the N column until he found it. Nín. Pronoun. My.

My star.

Jisung had been calling him their star.

His knuckles were white from how hard he was gripping on the pages, eyes wide and burning, jaw clenched tight. How could he excuse this now? How could he make it seem something that it was not? Renjun was scared of naming it and making it real, that then it’d get ripped away from him, just like everything else had been. But he was losing it all, anyway. He was losing Jisung, anyway.

He had to make this right. Or at least try. If Renjun was the one for them, then there was no one else for him, and he couldn’t let Jisung keep on thinking he didn’t feel the same.

Jisung came out of their room as Renjun was fixing plates and cups on the kitchen island. The smell of chow mein probably coaxed them out, but he wasn’t expecting it this easy, watching them stop by the door, watching him.

It was almost painful, the silence. Jisung seemed to be feeling it too. There was something in their eyes that Renjun couldn’t understand, his stomach in knots, heavy weight at the bottom of his spine. Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, just taking each other in. He felt he should be the one to break the silence, but as he opened his mouth, Jisung interrupted him.

“Elin nín”, they said, offering no further commentary. Like they just wanted to call him.

Renjun could cry.

“Hi.” He gulped. “I made chow mein.”

Jisung blinked, assessing the name until they remembered what it was. They flinched, looking like a kicked puppy, defeated and so sad, until they took a deep breath, smiling softly at him. Renjun hoped by the end of dinner, he could change their mood.

“I love chow mein”, they said. “Thank you.”

Renjun waved them off. “It’s okay.”

Dinner was a quiet affair, reminiscent of old times, when they used to not know how to act around each other. Renjun used the time to figure out how to go about what he wanted to say, opening and closing his mouth several times and never being sure of what he was doing.

Jisung didn’t seem to have noticed, eyes downcast to their plate, eating in complete silence.

It was when they were done that he finally decided to just rip the goddamn band-aid off. “Jisung-”

They interrupted him. “I am leaving.”

“What?” His breath got caught in his throat, voice barely a whisper.

Jisung gulped, not meeting his eyes.

“I am leaving”, they said, “I… I am grateful for all you did for me. And I am sorry for all the trouble I brought you. I believe I have overstayed my welcome so… I am leaving.”

Renjun couldn’t breathe. “What are you talking about-?”

They finally met his eyes, filled with tears and determination. There was nothing he could say right now that would make them stop. They wouldn’t hear a word he said.

“I will never forget you”, Jisung whispered, devotedly. “Not for as long as I live.”

Renjun’s voice got stuck in his throat, watching as Jisung got up and left to their bedroom, without as much as looking back at him.

Renjun:

they’re leaving

Mark:

what

jun?

Renjun:

jisung

they’re leaving

Mark:

what the fuck

no way

they didn’t say anything??

they probably knew i’d tell them it was stupid

jun

are you okay?

Renjun:

no

can i have u back?

please

Mark:

i didn’t go anywhere

i’m still here

His friends came to see Jisung off.

With the exception of Chenle and Xuxi, they all made themselves at home in his tiny apartment. Renjun couldn’t tell them no. At the very least, Jisung got to meet Donghyuck, Jaemin and Yangyang before they left, since they were all aware of each other he didn’t see how that would be worse than having to see Jisung off by himself.

His heart ached, the empty space in his soul begging to be filled once again. Watching Jisung get along with his friends made him numb with want. This was what they could’ve had. It could’ve been so easy.

Renjun wouldn’t hold them back if they wanted to leave. Sometimes not even love can make people stay. Sometimes it just isn’t enough. It wasn’t because he might be Jisung’s one that it meant _they_ were meant to be. But he had to at least let them know. The letter in his back pocket grew heavier by the second.

He told himself it was okay, as long as Jisung was happy. When the sky turned dark, the whole lot of them went up to the rooftop to say goodbye.

Renjun stayed behind, watching as Jisung awkwardly let Donghyuck and Jaemin fuss over them, blushed when Yangyang petted their hair, and let Jeno and Shotaro pat their back. Mark and Taeyong took turns hugging them, Renjun could hear Jisung profusely thank the two. They talked quietly for a while, before Mark and Taeyong followed the others down the stairs back to his apartment.

And then it was just him.

He smiled softly at Jisung, fighting to stop his eyes from burning.

“Have a good trip back home”, he said, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “Be careful not to fall on any more rooftops, okay? It’s dangerous, and next time I won’t be there.”

Jisung didn’t say anything, walking in his direction.

“Visit a lot of planets for me”, he went on, “I’m glad I got to meet you.”

Renjun spluttered when Jisung didn’t stop in front of him, instead, pulling on his waist for a hug. He nuzzled into their chest, sniffling as he tried to stop his tears. It didn’t work, but he took comfort in hearing Jisung sob against his shoulder.

“Jisung, you changed my life. I will never forget you”, he said, like a prayer. “Not for as long as I live.”

It was a promise. He let Jisung go, pressing his letter into their hands. They looked at it curiously, eyes puffy from crying.

“Read only if you miss me”, Renjun whispered.

Jisung nodded, walking backwards to the spaceship, looking at him like they wanted to print his image to their memory. Renjun bit the inside of his cheek, to keep from saying the words he wanted to say all along. Jisung jumped inside the ship, waving at him one last time.

She really was a beauty. He watched her go up, up, until he couldn’t tell her apart from the night sky anymore. Tears streamed down his face, rib cage squeezing his lungs, as Renjun let the most important person in his life leave.

_Meleth nín,_

_I found out what the pet name you used to call me means. I guess it’s only fitting that if I’m your star, you get to be my love. I told you your name suited you. I’m thankful you let me help you find it._

_Jisung, I’m writing this to you because no matter how much time passes, I believe you should know. You are my favorite person. You’ve made me the happiest I have been in a long while. Humans fall in love often, but it’s not often that love falls into our lives like you did. There’s only one of you, there’s only you for me._

_I will cherish forever the time we spent together, even when we were fighting. I hope you find what you’re looking for. I hope you find your one if it’s not me. Whatever you’re doing, I hope it’s always something that makes you happy._

_I love you, in many more ways than just one._

_Elin lín._

“Junnie?”

Renjun turned to the rooftop door, where Mark was standing. It had been either ten minutes or a few hours since Jisung left and he hadn’t moved from his position, standing watching the stars. He didn’t know what he was expecting.

They wouldn’t turn back around.

“Hey”, he said, voice small as he looked at the sky. It was a sad night, so many clouds the stars were barely visible, but they were there. They were always there.

“Rough night?”, Mark asked, stopping to stand beside him.

Renjun didn’t have anything to say. His tears had dried in his skin. He felt too disgusting to go downstairs to talk with everyone else, he didn’t want to be perceived. Didn’t want the pitying looks, the pats in the back, the well wishes. He just wanted to silently not exist, under the Moon’s watchful eye.

He sighed. “About as tough as expected.”

“I’ll miss them”, Mark said. Felt weirdly comforting knowing he wasn’t the only one.

“Me too,” Renjun choked out, eyes stinging with the tears he had just managed to keep at bay. “Terribly.”

Mark reached out his hand and Renjun took it, intertwining their fingers together, letting Mark anchor him to the ground, when all he wanted to do was float away.

It was the middle of the night and Renjun couldn’t sleep.

The apartment was too quiet, an eerie feeling creeping into his chest and sinking its teeth. He wasn’t supposed to be awake to see his home like this, a liminal space in time. Transitioning from real to unreal by the tick of the kitchen clock.

This place didn’t feel familiar to him, yet it was all he knew. He had nowhere else to be.

Renjun watched the guinea pigs’ cage, Filbert trying to find a good position for a nap, Marshal complaining to himself as he sniffed the fleece liner, looking for a leftover piece of hay, even though there was plenty of it in the hay rack, on the other corner of the cage.

It was quiet for a while, his eyes unfocusing as sleep tried to claim him but he wouldn’t let it. He startled and bit his tongue when someone knocked on his door, blinking the tiredness away. Renjun got up, like emerging from the water, senses slowly coming back to him as he walked up to it. On the other side was Jisung.

He blinked, sure his eyes were playing tricks on him.

“Elin nín?”, Jisung called, voice as soft as the look on their face.

Renjun tried to swallow but his throat felt like it was closing in.

“I’m dreaming”, he said, as a warning. He wouldn’t get disappointed if he already knew from the beginning.

They walked up to him, cupping his face between their hands. His cheeks burned red at having to lean back his head to look up to them. It was the most beautiful dream he ever had, the soft light from the corridor like a halo around Jisung’s blue hair, their freckles pretty under the rosy high in their cheeks. He wished he could live here forever. Didn’t dare touch just in case it’d all come down under his hands.

“Then I am too”, Jisung said, smiling. “I read your letter.”

Renjun flushed, heat crawling down his neck.

“Already?”

“I missed you as soon as I left.”

Jisung caressed under his eyes with their thumbs, smile faltering. Renjun would do anything for it to come back. For them to come back.

“I am sorry”, they said. “I should have told you from the beginning that I already found what I was looking for. Here, with you. And Filbert and Marshal.”

Renjun softened. “Oh, you know the way to my heart.”

“I hope I do.”

This couldn’t be a dream. It would hurt too much when he woke up. Tentatively, Renjun raised his hands to hold Jisung’s wrists. When they failed to disappear, the weight in his shoulders lifted, he relaxed into Jisung’s touch.

“You don’t have to apologize, I know how scary that was”, Renjun said. “I’m just glad you‘re here.”

“I am not scared anymore.” Jisung smiled. “I am not going anywhere. I love you.”

“Oh, I-”, Renjun spluttered, taken aback by their blunt way of putting it. “I love you too.”

Jisung looked all over his face, from the mole on his forehead to the dimple hidden in his cheek. He blushed under the attention, though he understood the feeling of wanting to save it all to their memory, making sure they’d never forget. When Jisung’s eyes fell on his lips, he licked them, heart pounding in his throat.

Renjun got up on his tiptoes. “Kiss me, please.”

Jisung’s eyes widened, but he didn’t have to ask twice.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! and thank you mods for the fest and for being so patient with me c: 
> 
> translations:  
> \- ýneg: twelve  
> \- mín: one  
> \- elin: star  
> \- meleth: love  
> \- edhil: elves  
> \- nín: my  
> \- lín: your  
> \- sindarin: one of the elvish languages
> 
> n just as a psa: if you have guinea pigs pls keep them in pairs!!
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/J4EMLES?s=08)


End file.
